Evaluation for Question #8586

Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Question

Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your Essay

Researchers have demonstrated that the transportation of goods and human are the root cause of pollution. Some individuals are of the claim that the authority should be responsible for this phenomenon. In contrast, others think that it is  the fault of citizens. From my perspective, I would evaluate both schools of thought before proposing my point of view in this essay.
On the one hand, there are some major rationales that explain why some people believe tackling with pollution should be the government's responsibility. As having the large-scale influence, the authority is capable of imposing laws and regulations, which can regulate residents' behaviours. This is due to the fact that heavy fines and higher taxes are the key factors that have a pivotal role in raising awareness of people about environmental issues, especially pollution. For example, the COP24 conference was held in Paris, which mainly focused on environmental protection around the world. This meeting has led to significant improvements in preserving the Earth against both internal and external effects. As a result, the government has the international power, which can call for the collaborative actions from many countries, in order to remedy this situation.
On the other hand, it is undeniable that individuals are also the culprit behind the pollution. Firstly, each citizen is emissing a huge number of CO2 every day, which can be seen in their private vehicles. For instance, Viet Nam is one of the most polluted nations, which has nearly 95 millions people. Therefore, it doesn't surprise that the emission of vehicles is the main cause, leading to air pollution. Consequently, residents are facilitating the emergence of pollution whether they know or not, which make the environment gradually becomes worse than before. Secondly, it is the lack of awareness that lead to the negative actions to the environment of people. This is because they are not educated in family or school about the importance of protecting people's habitat, their mindset are gone to wrong direction that is the culprit behind their behavior.
In conclusion, I believe that both government and citizens should collaborate to solve the environmental problems, as the collective action is the most powerful strength.

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6.5

Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, considering both sides of the argument. However, the ideas could be more clearly articulated, and the structure of the essay could be improved for better coherence. There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally impede understanding. The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety and precision.

The essay addresses the task by discussing both the role of the government and individuals in environmental protection. The writer presents relevant examples to support their points. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement and a more decisive conclusion. Some of the claims could be more explicitly linked back to the main argument.

The essay is generally well-organized, but the progression of ideas could be more logical. Transitions between ideas and paragraphs are present but could be more clearly signaled. The conclusion does not effectively summarize the key points discussed in the essay.

The vocabulary is appropriate for the topic, but there is a limited range of expressions. Some word choices are imprecise or awkward, leading to occasional misunderstandings. Greater variety and sophistication in word choice would improve the essay.

There are noticeable grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors occasionally hinder the clarity of the essay. More complex grammatical structures are attempted but not always used accurately.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Introduction

The introduction provides a general overview of the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement. It sets up the discussion but does not clearly state the writer's position on the issue.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, there are some major rationales that explain why some people believe tackling with pollution should be the government's responsibility. As having the large-scale influence, the authority is capable of imposing laws and regulations, which can regulate residents' behaviours. This is due to the fact that heavy fines and higher taxes are the key factors that have a pivotal role in raising awareness of people about environmental issues, especially pollution. For example, the COP24 conference was held in Paris, which mainly focused on environmental protection around the world. This meeting has led to significant improvements in preserving the Earth against both internal and external effects. As a result, the government has the international power, which can call for the collaborative actions from many countries, in order to remedy this situation.

This paragraph presents a clear argument for why the government should be responsible for environmental protection. The example of the COP24 conference is relevant but could be more directly linked to the argument. Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, which affects clarity.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, it is undeniable that individuals are also the culprit behind the pollution. Firstly, each citizen is emissing a huge number of CO2 every day, which can be seen in their private vehicles. For instance, Viet Nam is one of the most polluted nations, which has nearly 95 millions people. Therefore, it doesn't surprise that the emission of vehicles is the main cause, leading to air pollution. Consequently, residents are facilitating the emergence of pollution whether they know or not, which make the environment gradually becomes worse than before. Secondly, it is the lack of awareness that lead to the negative actions to the environment of people. This is because they are not educated in family or school about the importance of protecting people's habitat, their mindset are gone to wrong direction that is the culprit behind their behavior.

The paragraph effectively argues that individuals contribute to pollution. The example of Vietnam adds weight to the argument. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward expressions that detract from the overall clarity. The paragraph could benefit from clearer linking of ideas.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I believe that both government and citizens should collaborate to solve the environmental problems, as the collective action is the most powerful strength.

The conclusion reiterates the importance of collaboration but does not effectively summarize the key points made in the essay. It is brief and could be expanded to reinforce the writer's position more strongly.

Evaluation for Question #8586

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Evaluation for Question #8586

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN