Evaluation for Question #8586

Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Question

Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your Essay

TASK 1
The chart illustrates the percentage of older people in cities and countryside who took part in four leisure activities including reading, animated plays, playing and photography in 1990 and 2010.
Overall, reading remains the most anticipated activity for both areas in both times, leading up with playing, photography and animated play. Firstly in 1990, reading overcame other activities in both urban and rural areas. Coming up with playing which was no where close to the first place. The two least famous are animated plays and photography. Beside, locals in rural area appear to be more interested in all the four activities than urban citizens.
Secondly, reading still stay dominant 10 years later in 2010. We are able to see big changes with photography throughout the years, ended up by becoming to the second place. Both playing and animated plays are constant with little changes but playing still see more individuals take part in. Countryside’s anticipation is still higher in total compare to urban area's people, only reading was able to balance.
Writing Task 2
Many studies have been able to illustrate the connection between the transportation of products and civilons and environmental harm. This has sparked a heated debate between people, while some think that lawmakers are those to be held accountable, others believe individuals also play a role. In this essays, both views about whose responsibility will be looked through clearly, concluding with my view on why normal people's role is more remarkable.
Granted, government officials should take more responsibilities on this topic. Inadequate policies fail to prevent the delivery of products and commuting of vehicle from emissing gases. Their gases noticeably contribute to harming the environment, worsen the polluting problem. Politicians should extend the public transportation system to encourage more people to stop utilizing personal vehicles. With the construction of more motor railwa yand more busses route, more people will use them as it can be more convenient and better for the ecosystem.
Those can be the reason why some people may think government should be incharge of the problem, however, I personally believe that individuals play a more indispensable role on the topic of environment. Overconsumption of people is the main causes of the huge transportation flow. This is often overlooked as present satisfaction is often prioritized over long term sustainability for many civilans. Beside, individuals are able to choose public vehicle over personal car. Such preferences can largely improve the ecosystem. Take Japan as a prine example, the locals often use public transportation which help the country remain one of the cleanest, least polluted nation on earth.
In conclusion, while politicians should be put in charge, individuals also need to take fault of the environment problem. In the long run, if both civilans and government are able to work on the topic together, we will be able to get the greatest outcome.

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5.5

Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position, but it struggles with clarity and coherence. The introduction and conclusion are somewhat effective, but the body paragraphs require better organization and development of ideas. Lexical resources and grammatical accuracy are limited, with frequent errors that affect readability.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear opinion on the issue. However, it lacks depth in the argumentation and does not sufficiently develop the reasons why individuals play a more significant role. The balance between discussing the roles of politicians and individuals needs improvement.

While the essay has a basic structure, the ideas are not always logically organized or clearly linked. Transitions between ideas and paragraphs are weak, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inappropriate.

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some errors in word choice and spelling. There is repetition of words and phrases, and some expressions are awkward or incorrect. More variety and precision in vocabulary usage are needed to enhance clarity and impact.

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation. These errors often impede comprehension. Greater grammatical accuracy and variety in sentence structures are needed to improve readability.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Introduction

Many studies have been able to illustrate the connection between the transportation of products and civilons and environmental harm. This has sparked a heated debate between people, while some think that lawmakers are those to be held accountable, others believe individuals also play a role. In this essays, both views about whose responsibility will be looked through clearly, concluding with my view on why normal people's role is more remarkable.

The introduction presents the topic but includes some unclear expressions and grammatical errors. The thesis statement is present but could be more concise and specific about the position being taken.

Body paragraph 1

Granted, government officials should take more responsibilities on this topic. Inadequate policies fail to prevent the delivery of products and commuting of vehicle from emissing gases. Their gases noticeably contribute to harming the environment, worsen the polluting problem. Politicians should extend the public transportation system to encourage more people to stop utilizing personal vehicles. With the construction of more motor railwa yand more busses route, more people will use them as it can be more convenient and better for the ecosystem.

The paragraph attempts to discuss the role of politicians but is marred by frequent grammatical errors and unclear expressions. More specific examples and clearer development of the argument are needed.

Body paragraph 2

Those can be the reason why some people may think government should be incharge of the problem, however, I personally believe that individuals play a more indispensable role on the topic of environment. Overconsumption of people is the main causes of the huge transportation flow. This is often overlooked as present satisfaction is often prioritized over long term sustainability for many civilans. Beside, individuals are able to choose public vehicle over personal car. Such preferences can largely improve the ecosystem. Take Japan as a prine example, the locals often use public transportation which help the country remain one of the cleanest, least polluted nation on earth.

The paragraph presents the role of individuals but lacks coherence and clear logical progression. The example of Japan is relevant but not well integrated into the argument. More detailed exploration of the points is necessary.

Conclusion

In conclusion, while politicians should be put in charge, individuals also need to take fault of the environment problem. In the long run, if both civilans and government are able to work on the topic together, we will be able to get the greatest outcome.

The conclusion summarizes the main points but is somewhat vague. It could be strengthened by reiterating the specific arguments made in the essay and providing a more compelling final statement.

Evaluation for Question #8586

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Evaluation for Question #8586

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN