Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the question and presents a balanced view on the responsibility of environmental protection. However, the argument lacks depth, and there are grammatical and lexical errors that obscure meaning at times. The essay would benefit from clearer organization and more precise language.
The essay presents a position on the topic and offers reasons for both sides of the argument. However, the explanation of why individuals play a more remarkable role is not fully developed. The conclusion attempts to summarize the argument but lacks a clear final position.
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are issues with coherence and cohesion, such as unclear topic sentences and transitions between ideas. The argument could be more logically organized.
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary with some repetition. There are several lexical errors, such as 'civilons' and 'prine example,' which detract from the clarity of the argument. More precise and varied vocabulary is needed.
There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with verb forms, sentence structure, and word choice. These errors impact the readability and clarity of the essay. Greater grammatical accuracy is needed to improve the score.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
Many studies have been able to illustrate the connection between the transportation of products and civilons and environmental harm. This has sparked a heated debate between people, while some think that lawmakers are those to be held accountable, others believe individuals also play a role. In this essays, both views about whose responsibility will be looked through clearly, concluding with my view on why normal people's role is more remarkable.
The introduction sets up the topic and indicates a balanced approach. However, it contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'civilons' and 'In this essays.' The thesis statement could be clearer in expressing the writer's position.
Body paragraph 1
Granted, government officials should take more responsibilities on this topic. Inadequate policies fail to prevent the delivery of products and commuting of vehicle from emissing gases. Their gases noticeably contribute to harming the environment, worsen the polluting problem. Politicians should extend the public transportation system to encourage more people to stop utilizing personal vehicles. With the construction of more motor railwa yand more busses route, more people will use them as it can be more convenient and better for the ecosystem.
This paragraph discusses the role of government but contains grammatical errors and lacks coherence. Phrases like 'emissing gases' and 'motor railwa yand more busses route' are unclear. The argument could be stronger with more specific examples and clearer organization.
Body paragraph 2
Those can be the reason why some people may think government should be incharge of the problem, however, I personally believe that individuals play a more indispensable role on the topic of environment. Overconsumption of people is the main causes of the huge transportation flow. This is often overlooked as present satisfaction is often prioritized over long term sustainability for many civilans. Beside, individuals are able to choose public vehicle over personal car. Such preferences can largely improve the ecosystem. Take Japan as a prine example, the locals often use public transportation which help the country remain one of the cleanest, least polluted nation on earth.
This paragraph presents the view that individuals play an important role. However, it repeats some ideas and includes several grammatical errors. The example of Japan is relevant but not fully developed. Greater clarity and depth in the argument would enhance this paragraph.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while politicians should be put in charge, individuals also need to take fault of the environment problem. In the long run, if both civilans and government are able to work on the topic together, we will be able to get the greatest outcome.
The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but is somewhat vague. It reiterates the need for joint responsibility but lacks a strong closing statement. More clarity and a definitive stance would strengthen the conclusion.
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