Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides a balanced discussion on the topic, addressing both the role of governments and individuals in environmental protection. However, there are several language inaccuracies and organizational issues that affect the clarity and coherence of the argument. Improved grammatical accuracy and clearer paragraph structures could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument. However, the position is only partially clear, as the essay claims to 'partly disagree' but effectively argues for the importance of both parties in environmental protection. The examples provided are relevant but could be more specific and detailed. The conclusion summarizes the main points but does not strongly reinforce the position.
The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each dealing with a specific aspect of the argument. However, there are some coherence issues, such as abrupt transitions and a lack of clear topic sentences. More cohesive devices and linking words could be used to improve the flow of ideas.
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are inaccuracies and awkward expressions (e.g., 'authorities is', 'citizen', 'viewpiont'). Greater precision and variety in word choice would enhance the lexical resource score.
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement issues ('authorities is', 'these kind'), article usage ('the environment problems'), and sentence fragments. These errors affect the readability and accuracy of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
There is a belief that authorities is the one who should take responsibility for environment protection, not citizen since their dedication is unremarkable. I am partly disagree with this opinion and my viewpiont will be presented below.
The introduction presents the topic and states the writer's position. However, there are grammatical errors ('authorities is', 'citizen', 'partly disagree', 'viewpiont'). The thesis statement could be clearer in outlining the main arguments.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, governments’ actions can really make changes in current environment problems. Firstly, regulations relating to this can be enforced in order to limit the effect of this crisis. For instance, law makers can reinforce strict laws to restrict the amount of waste discharged to the ecosystem. Secondly, environmental protection programmes often require huge funds that only governments can afford. Above all else, these kind of governmental programmes have widespread influence and encourages international cooperation.
This paragraph effectively discusses the role of governments. However, there are some grammatical errors ('environment problems', 'law makers', 'these kind') and cohesion could be improved. More specific examples would strengthen the argument.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, individuals’ dedication in order to save the environment should not be underestimated. If everyone is aware of protecting the ecosystem, their collective actions can make significant changes in the current situation. For instance, if every single citizen know about saving the environment will undoubtedly create a sustainable ecosystem. In addition, the crowd has the right to vote for people who really care about environment problems, leaving huge influence to politicians. Finally, the power of consumers can be leveraged, for example, the community of customers can boycott companies which are causing a harm to the environment. Additionally, products which are not eco-friendly can be refused or returned, forcing businesses to be more environmental sustainably.
The paragraph highlights the role of individuals but contains grammatical errors ('citizen know', 'a harm') and awkward phrasing ('leaving huge influence to politicians'). The examples are relevant but could be more detailed. The paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences and transitions.
Conclusion
To sum it all up, government can set up larger programmes to safe the ecosystem but the importance of individuals is not insignificant in large scale. These two are equally responsible and their cooperation can result in widespread action to solve the current environmental problems.
The conclusion summarizes the main points but lacks a strong reinforcement of the writer's position. There are minor grammatical errors ('to safe'). The conclusion would benefit from a more definitive statement on the writer's stance.
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