Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6.5
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay presents a clear position on the issue and provides relevant examples to support the arguments. However, there are areas that require improvement, particularly in coherence and cohesion, as well as grammatical accuracy. The essay could benefit from more structured paragraphs and varied sentence structures.
The essay adequately addresses the task by presenting a clear position that both politicians and individuals have roles in environmental protection. It provides examples for both sides of the argument, but the explanation could be more detailed in certain areas to enhance the argument's depth.
The essay has a logical progression of ideas, but the cohesion could be improved by using more cohesive devices. The transitions between paragraphs and ideas could be smoother, and the overall structure needs to be more clearly defined to enhance readability.
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary with some attempts at less common words and phrases. However, there are occasional inaccuracies and awkward expressions that detract from the overall impression. More precise and varied vocabulary would improve the lexical resource.
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are some grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments, which affect the clarity of the writing. More attention to grammatical accuracy and varied sentence structures would enhance the writing.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
A few individuals think that lawmakers ought to be capable of securing the environment as there's nothing much that people can do about this issue. In my opinion, the duty to secure the environment ought to not drop upon politicians alone because ordinary citizens can make a noteworthy commitment.
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer's stance. However, the language could be more formal and precise. The phrase 'ought to not drop' is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, lawmakers can encourage the government to impose modern laws against activities that harm the environment. For occurrence, one of the major variables driving natural contamination is the abuse of plastic items, like bottles and bags, and this will cease in case the government issues an official boycott on all companies from utilizing plastic bundling. In expansion, the rate of deforestation can also be diminished in case high-ranking bureaucrats concur to force strict discipline, such as long-term imprisonment and overwhelming fines, on those who cut down trees wrongfully.
The paragraph presents valid points and examples, but it lacks cohesion. The use of phrases like 'for occurrence' and 'in expansion' are awkward and should be replaced with more appropriate transitions. The paragraph would benefit from more precise language and clearer connections between ideas.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, I accept that conventional individuals, through little, regular activities, can moreover incredibly contribute to protecting the environment. To begin with, citizens in numerous nations, just like the Netherlands, have now shifted towards using bikes and tram-trains for their day-by-day travel rather than cars, which has so faraway made a difference in diminishing a huge sum of CO2 discharged into the discussion, and moved forward discussing quality. Second, the issue of contaminated seas has moreover been handled in numerous places much appreciated by groups of youthful individuals who intentionally spend their time cleaning up shorelines or even diving into the water to choose up waste.
This paragraph provides relevant examples to support the argument, but some expressions are unclear, such as 'so faraway made a difference' and 'moved forward discussing quality.' These phrases should be revised for clarity and accuracy. The paragraph would benefit from more cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I hold the view that lawmakers alone cannot bargain with all-natural issues, and so people ought to moreover make a commitment to ensuring our environment.
The conclusion restates the main argument effectively but could be expanded to summarize the key points discussed in the essay. The phrase 'bargain with all-natural issues' is awkward and should be revised for clarity.
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