Evaluation for Question #8586

Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Question

Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your Essay

It is widely believed that only politicians are responsible for environmental preservation, and what individuals can do is not enough. However, I fully disagree with this opinion as I think that this ordinary citizens’ contribution can also have significant impact.
On the one hand, politicians can urge the government to impose strict laws against non-eco-friendly actions. For example, one of the ongoing environmental problems is the excessive use of plastic products. After using those products, people have the tendency to throw them everywhere, and since plastic products such as bags or bottles are non-biodegradable, they can stay there for hundreds of years, and animals can mistaken them for food and consume them, which can have fatal consequences. But this can all be stopped if the government issues a ban on all sources of plastic packaging. Another problem that can by resolved by the politicians is the rate of deforestation. If politicians are able to convince governors to penalise actions such as poaching, cutting down trees illegally, the rates would drop substantially.
On the other hand, individuals also play a crucial part in protecting the ecology, through everyday actions, regardless of big or small. For instance, citizens can shift towards the use of public transportation as a way to reduce carbon footprints and improve the air quality. Or they can even do greater things like participating in voluntary activities. Nowadays, people are very much aware of climate change and global warming, so it would make sense that they would want to do everything possible to protect the planet, and by volunteering people are able to help clean up the world like cleaning the beaches, planting trees, spreading informations and raising awareness to the society.
So to conclude, I hold the belief that politicians alone are not enough to tackle all the environmental problems, and therefore individuals should also make a contribution to protect Earth.

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Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay presents a clear position against the statement, providing arguments for the importance of both politicians and individuals in environmental protection. However, it lacks depth in exploring these arguments and could benefit from more specific examples and detailed analysis. The language used is generally clear, but there are some grammatical and lexical inaccuracies that affect the overall coherence and cohesion.

The essay addresses the task effectively by disagreeing with the statement and presenting arguments for the role of both politicians and individuals in environmental protection. However, the arguments could be further developed with more specific examples and analysis. The conclusion reiterates the main points but does not add any new insights.

The essay is logically organized, with clear paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and there is some repetition in the arguments presented. The cohesion of the essay could be improved by better linking ideas within and between paragraphs.

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances of incorrect word usage (e.g., 'mistaken' instead of 'mistake'). Some phrases are repetitive, and more varied vocabulary could enhance the essay. Additionally, there are minor spelling errors ('informations' should be 'information').

The essay shows a reasonable control of grammar, but there are noticeable errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('animals can mistaken') and sentence structure issues ('Another problem that can by resolved'). These errors do not impede understanding but do affect the essay's overall clarity and professionalism.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Introduction

The introduction clearly states the writer's disagreement with the statement and sets up the argument for the rest of the essay. However, it could be more engaging and provide a brief overview of the supporting arguments.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, politicians can urge the government to impose strict laws against non-eco-friendly actions. For example, one of the ongoing environmental problems is the excessive use of plastic products. After using those products, people have the tendency to throw them everywhere, and since plastic products such as bags or bottles are non-biodegradable, they can stay there for hundreds of years, and animals can mistaken them for food and consume them, which can have fatal consequences. But this can all be stopped if the government issues a ban on all sources of plastic packaging. Another problem that can by resolved by the politicians is the rate of deforestation. If politicians are able to convince governors to penalise actions such as poaching, cutting down trees illegally, the rates would drop substantially.

The paragraph outlines the role of politicians in environmental protection, with examples of plastic use and deforestation. However, the ideas could be more clearly linked, and the examples could be more specific and detailed. The paragraph contains grammatical errors that affect its clarity.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, individuals also play a crucial part in protecting the ecology, through everyday actions, regardless of big or small. For instance, citizens can shift towards the use of public transportation as a way to reduce carbon footprints and improve the air quality. Or they can even do greater things like participating in voluntary activities. Nowadays, people are very much aware of climate change and global warming, so it would make sense that they would want to do everything possible to protect the planet, and by volunteering people are able to help clean up the world like cleaning the beaches, planting trees, spreading informations and raising awareness to the society.

This paragraph discusses the role of individuals in environmental protection, providing examples of public transportation and volunteering. The examples are relevant but lack depth and specificity. The paragraph could benefit from a more structured approach and the correction of lexical and grammatical errors.

Conclusion

So to conclude, I hold the belief that politicians alone are not enough to tackle all the environmental problems, and therefore individuals should also make a contribution to protect Earth.

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay. However, it could be strengthened by providing a more persuasive closing statement or suggesting specific actions that both politicians and individuals could take.

Evaluation for Question #8586

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Links

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Evaluation for Question #8586

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN