Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help to prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help to prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6.5
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
6.5
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, discussing both the potential benefits and drawbacks of technological advancements in crime prevention. However, there are areas where the argument could be strengthened, and language could be more accurate and varied.
The essay addresses the task by presenting a partial agreement with the statement and providing arguments for both sides. However, the arguments could be more developed with specific examples and clearer explanations to strengthen the position.
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphs, but the coherence between sentences and ideas could be improved. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt, and the essay would benefit from more cohesive devices to guide the reader through the argument.
The vocabulary used is sufficient to discuss the topic, with some varied expressions. However, there are occasional inaccuracies and awkward phrasings. More precise and varied vocabulary could enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the argument.
The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, but there are errors in sentence structure, punctuation, and word form that detract from the overall clarity. Improved grammatical accuracy would enhance the readability and professionalism of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help to prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
In this day and age, firm innovations of technology are believed to be beneficial in preventing crime activities and identifying as well as apprehending offenders. Personally, I partially agree with this viewpoint based on both negative and positive impacts that might affect citizens' living, this essay will indicate related information and provide specific evidence.
The introduction sets up the essay's aim and presents a partial agreement with the statement. However, the language is somewhat awkward, and the thesis statement could be clearer. The phrase 'firm innovations' is unclear and could be replaced with 'advancements.'
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it cannot be denied that artificial intelligence facilitates enhancing regional surveillance and monitor systems. For instance, developments in technologies such as security cameras and face identity systems assist local authorities in monitoring public areas and preventing criminals due to the high chance of being detected. In addition, advanced technology like AI is significantly effective in analysing data and predicting because of its precise and huge information sources. In particular, A.I is able to perform sophisticated algorithms to provide the most precise data based on specific cases, which is crucial for law enforcement agencies like FBi or CIA in predicting criminals' intention movement.
This paragraph presents a clear argument for the positive impact of technology. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples and clearer explanations of how these technologies effectively reduce crime. Some language, such as 'high chance of being detected' and 'intention movement,' is awkward and should be refined.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, a rapid advancement of A.I indirectly leads to cybercrime growth. Specifically, although high quality technologies aid in declining crime rates , they also are opportunities for opening new crimes such as hacking, online fraud and identity theft. Moreover, people tend to give more concerns for their private information when widespread surveillance systems and data collection can show personal confidential data ,which causes fear and disbelief in society.
This paragraph effectively discusses the drawbacks of technological advancements, particularly cybercrime. However, the argument could be more persuasive with specific examples and evidence. The language could also be more precise, and there are some grammatical errors, such as 'give more concerns for' instead of 'have more concerns about.'
Conclusion
To conclude, while advanced technology brings positive values in prohibiting crime behaviours, it also causes risks for individuals' privacy on the Internet as well as in the public.
The conclusion summarizes the main points adequately. However, it could be more impactful by reiterating the essay's stance more clearly and suggesting possible solutions or considerations for the future. Language use could be refined for clarity.
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