Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help to prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help to prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
You can edit this text for your reference. Changes will not be saved.
6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and provides relevant examples to support the argument. However, there are several grammatical errors and some awkward phrasing that detract from the overall clarity and coherence. The essay could benefit from more clearly structured paragraphs and smoother transitions between ideas.
The essay addresses the task effectively by discussing both the preventative and investigative roles of technology in reducing crime rates. However, the argument could be strengthened by providing more detailed explanations and examples. Additionally, there is a lack of consideration for opposing viewpoints or potential limitations of technology in crime prevention.
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas are not always smooth, and the essay would benefit from more cohesive devices to link the ideas together. The conclusion is also somewhat abrupt and does not fully summarize the main points discussed.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to technology and crime, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. There is also some repetition of ideas and vocabulary, which limits the lexical variety. More precise and varied language could enhance the essay's overall impact.
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with subject-verb agreement, article use, and sentence structure. These errors sometimes obscure meaning and hinder the reader's understanding. Greater attention to grammatical accuracy and more complex sentence structures would improve the overall quality of the writing.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help to prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
It is widely believed that advancements in technology can lead to the lowering of crime rates by improving the ability to prevent and solve crimes. In my opinion, I agree with this perspective as technologies play a strong deterrent for offenders and potential sources for investigation.
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's position. However, the phrasing could be improved for clarity, such as replacing 'lowering of crime rates' with 'reduction in crime rates'.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly, technology provides modern devices which avert the thief, leading to the decline in crime rates. Surveillance systems such as surveillance camera, facial recognition make crimes more difficult to evade detection. These technologies not only reduce the rate of theft and vandalism but also assist law enforcement. For instance, Vietnam has adopted automatic surveillance systems, which have contributed to the reduction in offenders and the lowering of being at risk of residents.
This paragraph presents a relevant point about the role of surveillance technology in preventing crime. However, there are grammatical errors, such as 'which avert the thief', and awkward phrasing, such as 'the lowering of being at risk of residents'. More specific examples and clearer explanations would strengthen the argument.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover, modern techniques also play a crucial role in capturing and solving crimes, which have a huge benefit to polices. Using recognized advancements to identify the DNA in blood or hair in some murder cases, polices can have more clues and hints, which help them to investigate and solve faster.
The paragraph highlights another important aspect of technology's impact on crime solving. However, there are grammatical errors, such as 'benefit to polices', and the explanation is somewhat brief. Expanding on how these technologies specifically aid investigations would improve the argument.
Conclusion
Overall, technology benefical have various significant impact as it can help against potential offenders, improve safety and boost the investigation.
The conclusion attempts to summarize the main points but is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. Rephrasing for grammatical accuracy and providing a more comprehensive summary would enhance the conclusion.
Sign In
[nextend_social_login]
or sign in with email
The password must have a minimum of 8 characters of numbers and letters, contain at least 1 capital letter
Cô Huyền sẽ liên hệ trực tiếp với bạn qua email hoặc điện thoại trong 1-2 ngày tới để trao đổi cụ thể hơn về việc học.
Hoặc bạn cũng có thể chủ động liên hệ với cô giáo theo thông tin dưới đây để được xếp lớp sớm nhất.
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Xin cám ơn.
ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN
Để đăng ký học IELTS lớp cô Huyền, vui lòng điền form dưới đây để được tư vấn. Hoặc gọi điện trực tiếp cho cô giáo theo số +84.0383.096.717 để giữ chỗ.
Để đăng ký nhanh nhất, vui lòng liên hệ trực tiếp cho cô Huyền theo số:
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Địa chỉ: 63 Vũ Ngọc Phan, Láng Hạ, Đống Đa, Hà Nội
