Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help to prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help to prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides a response to the task, presenting several arguments against the idea that technological advancements will lead to a decline in crime rates. However, the response lacks depth and supporting evidence. There are issues with coherence and cohesion, as the essay lacks clear topic sentences and transitions. The lexical resource is limited, with some repetitive vocabulary and a few errors. Grammatical accuracy is inconsistent, with several errors impacting clarity. The essay would benefit from more structured organization and development of ideas.
The essay presents a position on the issue and provides some arguments to support it. However, the ideas are not fully developed, and there is a lack of supporting evidence. The essay does not adequately address potential counterarguments or explore the topic in depth. The task is partially addressed, but the development is limited.
The essay lacks clear organization, with paragraphs not clearly delineating distinct points. There are few linking words and cohesive devices, leading to abrupt transitions between ideas. The conclusion attempts to summarize the main points but lacks a strong connection to the body paragraphs.
The vocabulary used is adequate but lacks variety. There is some repetition of words and phrases. Some word choices are inappropriate or awkward, affecting the clarity of the message. To improve, the essay should include a wider range of vocabulary and more precise language.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with sentence structure, verb tense, and article usage. These errors sometimes impede understanding. The range of grammatical structures is limited, with few complex sentences. Greater grammatical accuracy and variety would enhance the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help to prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
Crime is often driven by poverty, unemployment, or social inequality—technology can't solve those. In this fast-paced world crime ratios are likely to reduce due to the improvements in technology which prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. I disagree with this topic and I will discuss in this passage
The introduction presents a general context and states a position, but it is somewhat unclear and lacks a clear thesis statement. The connection between the first sentence and the rest of the introduction is not strong. Clarifying the main argument and clearly stating the essay's position would improve this section.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, the high cost and inequality of technology devices. In some countries, only metropolises have advancements in technology such as cameras, robots, GPS tracking or drones. This is because some countries don’t have enough money to have financial investment to install technology devices in every city to solve crimes. For instance, in developing countries such as Vietnam only big cities have growth in technology, when you travel to rural areas you can’t see any improvements in technology to handle crime. In addition, the operation cost of technology devices is expensive, many destinations don’t have enough finance so they refuse to install technology devices.
This paragraph introduces the idea of the inequality and cost of technology. However, it lacks a clear topic sentence and coherent structure. The argument is not well-developed, and there is a need for more supporting evidence and examples. Improving coherence and providing more detailed analysis would benefit this paragraph.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly, the growth of technology in crimes. When authorities can use advanced technology, crimes also can use improved technology. Criminals can use growth technology to commit cybercrimes, scams and they might use technology that is better than governments use. Therefore, criminals do illegal activities so they can gain a huge amount of money and they can have good quality of finance to buy many latest technology devices. Governments need to use money for a variety of fields so they may not have technology better than crimes. As a result, it may be difficult to arrest crimes, especially digital crimes. Last of all, technology can’t fix root causes. Crime is often driven by poverty or unemployment, technology can’t solve this problem even with the latest technology. Authorities should concentrate on their policy to support poverty and unemployed individuals, as a consequence, the proportion of crimes will be decreased.
This paragraph presents two separate points: the use of technology by criminals and the root causes of crime. The paragraph lacks clarity and coherence, with ideas not clearly linked. The two points should be separated into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear topic sentence and further development. Providing examples and evidence would strengthen the arguments.
Conclusion
To conclude, the improved technology can’t help prevent and handle crimes in an easier way since the equality and high cost of technology devices, the growth of technology in crimes and the root causes. I think governments should have policies to handle society problems and have financial investment in large scale to be beneficial for countries.
The conclusion summarizes the main points but is somewhat repetitive. It lacks a strong conclusion and does not reinforce the essay's position clearly. More emphasis on the main argument and a clearer restatement of the position would improve the conclusion.
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