Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help to prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help to prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a clear position but lacks proper development and support for the ideas expressed. There are issues with coherence and cohesion as well as with grammatical range and accuracy. The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and occasionally imprecise, which affects the clarity of the arguments.
The essay provides a response to the task with a clear stance. However, the arguments presented are not fully developed and lack sufficient evidence or examples to convincingly support the main ideas. The essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion of the potential benefits of technology in crime prevention.
The essay has an adequate organizational structure with clear paragraphing. However, there are issues with cohesion due to abrupt transitions between ideas and paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical and repetitive, which impacts the flow of the essay.
The vocabulary is adequate but lacks precision in places. There is some repetition of words and phrases, and the range of vocabulary could be expanded to convey ideas more effectively. Occasional incorrect word choice also affects clarity.
The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures. There is a lack of variety in sentence types, and some complex sentences are unclear. Greater grammatical control and accuracy would improve the overall quality of the writing.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help to prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
In this fast-paced world crime ratios are likely to reduce due to the improvements in technology which prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. I disagree with this topic and I will discuss in this passage
The introduction presents the main topic and the writer's position. However, it lacks clarity and fails to outline the main points that will be discussed. A more specific thesis statement would strengthen the introduction.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, the high cost and inequality of technology devices. In some countries, only metropolises have advancements in technology such as cameras, robots, GPS tracking or drones. This is because some countries don’t have enough money to have financial investment to install technology devices in every city to solve crimes. For instance, in developing countries such as Vietnam only big cities have growth in technology, when you travel to rural areas you can’t see any improvements in technology to handle crime. In addition, the operation cost of technology devices is expensive, many destinations don’t have enough finance so they refuse to install technology devices.
The paragraph introduces the idea of cost and inequality but lacks depth in its explanation. The example provided is relevant but could be expanded to strengthen the argument. There are also several grammatical errors that affect clarity.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly, the growth of technology in crimes. When authorities can use advanced technology, crimes also can use improved technology. Criminals can use growth technology to commit cybercrimes, scams and they might use technology that is better than governments use. Therefore, criminals do illegal activities so they can gain a huge amount of money and they can have good quality of finance to buy many latest technology devices. Governments need to use money for a variety of fields so they may not have technology better than crimes. As a result, it may be difficult to arrest crimes, especially digital crimes.
This paragraph discusses the technological advancements that benefit criminals. The argument is valid but lacks concrete examples or evidence. The paragraph could be more persuasive with more detailed support. The grammar and sentence structure need improvement for clarity.
Conclusion
To conclude, the improved technology can’t help prevent and handle crimes in an easier way since the equality and high cost of technology devices, the growth of technology in crimes and the root causes. I think governments should have policies to handle society problems and have financial investment in large scale to be beneficial for countries.
The conclusion restates the main idea but lacks a summary of the key arguments discussed. The suggestion for government action is relevant but should be more closely tied to the essay's arguments. Some grammatical errors are present.
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