These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Question
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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7.5
Overall Band
8
Task Response
7
Coherence
7
Lexical
8
Grammar
The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing the reasons why children prefer computer games over sports and evaluates the development as negative. It provides a comprehensive response with well-structured arguments and relevant examples. However, there could be more depth in exploring the positive aspects of digital games.
The essay presents a clear position on the issue and supports it with relevant arguments. It identifies reasons for the preference for computer games and discusses both positive and negative aspects, concluding that the trend is more negative. While the response is thorough, it could have explored the positive aspects of computer games in greater detail.
The essay is well-organized with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph has a clear purpose and transitions between ideas are smooth. However, some sections could benefit from clearer topic sentences to enhance cohesion.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with precise word choice and some variety. However, there is room for more sophisticated language and idiomatic expressions to achieve a higher score.
The essay shows a strong command of grammar with varied sentence structures and accurate use of complex sentences. There are minor errors, but they do not impede understanding.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Introduction
In recent years, an increasing number of children have shown a preference for computer games over traditional sports. This shift can be attributed to the rapid advancement of technology and changing lifestyle patterns. While digital games may offer certain cognitive benefits, I believe this trend has more negative implications than positive ones, particularly in terms of physical health and social development.
The introduction effectively sets the context and provides a clear thesis statement. It outlines the main points to be discussed, which helps guide the reader.
Body paragraph 1
One of the primary reasons behind this phenomenon is the growing accessibility and appeal of digital entertainment. Computer games are readily available, often free or low-cost, and can be played at any time without the need for special equipment or outdoor space. Moreover, many modern games are specifically designed to be immersive and addictive, offering instant gratification through rewards, levels, and virtual achievements. In contrast, sports typically require more effort, physical exertion, and coordination with others, which may be less appealing to children accustomed to instant digital stimulation.
This paragraph effectively discusses reasons for the preference for computer games. It provides detailed explanations and contrasts digital games with sports, enhancing the argument.
Body paragraph 2
Another contributing factor is the decline in safe and accessible outdoor spaces in many urban environments. Parents, concerned about safety and time constraints, may prefer that their children stay indoors. Furthermore, peer influence and social media have normalized gaming culture, making it a dominant form of recreation among young people.
The paragraph introduces additional reasons for the trend and touches on societal and environmental influences. The ideas are clear, but more examples could strengthen the argument.
Conclusion
Despite some potential advantages—such as improved hand-eye coordination, strategic thinking, and even teamwork in multiplayer formats—the drawbacks of excessive gaming are far more pronounced. Prolonged screen time can contribute to sedentary behavior, obesity, and a range of physical and mental health issues, including eye strain and attention difficulties. Additionally, replacing real-world interactions with virtual ones may hinder the development of essential social skills, emotional intelligence, and resilience that sports naturally cultivate.
The conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments and reinforces the thesis. It clearly articulates the negative impacts of the trend and suggests a balanced approach for children's development.
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