These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Question
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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8
Overall Band
8
Task Response
8
Coherence
8
Lexical
8
Grammar
The essay effectively addresses the task by exploring the reasons behind children's preference for computer games over sports and evaluates the development as negative. The writer demonstrates a strong command of the English language with a varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures. However, some areas could be improved for an even higher score, such as further elaborating on points and providing more specific examples.
The essay provides a clear response to both parts of the question, offering a well-reasoned explanation for the shift in children's preferences and evaluating it as a negative development. The argument is logically structured, and the points are relevant. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support the claims, particularly in discussing the negative impacts of gaming.
The essay is well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas and effective use of cohesive devices. Each paragraph has a clear focus, and transitions between ideas are smooth. There is a logical flow from the introduction to the conclusion. To further improve coherence, the writer could provide more explicit links between some of the ideas presented.
The writer demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary and uses it effectively to convey precise meanings. There is a good use of topic-specific terms and expressions. While the vocabulary is varied and appropriate, the essay could be enhanced by integrating more idiomatic expressions or less common lexical items.
The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy with complex sentence structures and varied sentence patterns. There are no significant grammatical errors, and punctuation is used correctly. To achieve a higher band, the writer could aim for even greater complexity and variety in sentence structures.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Introduction
In contemporary society, a discernible shift has occurred in the recreational preferences of children, with many gravitating towards computer games at the expense of physical sports. This phenomenon is largely a consequence of technological proliferation, evolving parental attitudes, and the persuasive design of digital media. Although not without merit, this inclination is, in my view, a predominantly detrimental development that warrants serious concern.
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay by introducing the topic and outlining the main reasons for the shift in children's preferences. It clearly states the writer's position on the development as negative. The introduction could be improved by briefly mentioning the structure or main points to be discussed in the essay.
Body paragraph 1
One fundamental driver of this trend is the ubiquitous presence and immersive nature of digital technology. Modern video games, often powered by sophisticated graphics, engaging narratives, and real-time interaction, offer a level of stimulation and immediacy that traditional sports may struggle to rival. These games are meticulously engineered to capture attention and sustain engagement through reward-based mechanics, often resulting in prolonged screen time. Moreover, the digital ecosystem enables socialisation through multiplayer platforms, creating virtual communities that, for some children, supplant face-to-face interaction.
This paragraph effectively explains the appeal of computer games through their immersive nature and social aspects. The points are well-developed and clearly linked to the overall argument. To enhance the paragraph, the writer could provide specific examples of popular games or statistics illustrating the prevalence of gaming among children.
Body paragraph 2
Compounding this is the urbanisation of lifestyles and increasing parental anxiety regarding outdoor safety. In densely populated cities, access to open, secure spaces for sports is often limited, and concerns about traffic, crime, or injury further dissuade parents from encouraging outdoor play. As a result, digital entertainment, which is both controllable and convenient, becomes the default alternative. This is further exacerbated by academic pressures and time constraints, which render physical activities a lower priority in the lives of many young people.
This paragraph provides a well-rounded discussion of environmental and societal factors contributing to the trend. The points are relevant and logically connected. To improve, the writer could include examples or data to support claims about urbanization and parental anxiety.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the growing preference for computer games among children stems from both environmental and psychological factors, yet the implications of this shift are overwhelmingly adverse. A balanced approach that reintroduces physical activity and social interaction into children’s daily routines is imperative to safeguard their holistic development in an increasingly digital age.
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's stance on the issue. It offers a clear recommendation for addressing the problem. The conclusion could be strengthened by suggesting specific ways to implement the balanced approach mentioned.
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