These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Question
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
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8
Overall Band
8
Task Response
8
Coherence
9
Lexical
8
Grammar
The essay presents a well-structured argument with a clear position on the topic. It effectively discusses the reasons behind children's preference for computer games over sports and evaluates the negative implications of this trend. The arguments are supported by relevant examples, and the language used is sophisticated and varied. However, a more balanced view acknowledging the benefits of digital games could enhance the task response.
The essay addresses all parts of the task effectively, providing reasons for children's preference for computer games and evaluating the development as negative. The argument is well-developed, with clear explanations and examples. However, offering a more balanced discussion by acknowledging some positive aspects of gaming could provide a more comprehensive response.
The essay is well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the issue, contributing to a coherent overall argument. Cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the transition to acknowledging potential benefits of gaming could be smoother.
The essay demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary with precise and sophisticated word choices. There is effective use of collocations and idiomatic expressions, enhancing the expression of ideas. The lexical resource is a strong feature of this essay, with minimal errors.
The essay shows a good command of grammatical structures with complex sentences used effectively. There are minor errors, but they do not impede communication. The range of sentence structures supports the argument well, contributing to the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Introduction
In the digital epoch we now inhabit, an alarming number of children have begun to eschew the sweat and camaraderie of the sports field in favour of the seductive glow of computer screens. This paradigm shift in youthful recreation is not merely a passing fad but a seismic transformation propelled by the omnipotence of technology, the commodification of entertainment, and the subtle but insidious erosion of active lifestyles. While proponents of digital interactivity may hail this evolution as a sign of progress, I argue emphatically that it is, on balance, a deleterious development—both for the corporeal health and the psychological resilience of future generations.
The introduction sets the stage for the essay effectively, presenting the issue and the writer's position clearly. It provides a sophisticated overview of the topic with engaging language. However, a brief mention of potential positive aspects could enhance the balance.
Body paragraph 1
To begin with, the allure of computer games lies not in mere entertainment, but in their hyper-engineered, dopamine-driven architecture. These virtual experiences are masterfully crafted to hijack neural reward systems, ensnaring young minds in a cycle of stimulation and gratification that physical sport, with its sweat, failure, and delayed rewards, simply cannot emulate. Add to this the fact that modern games offer meticulously curated escapism, complete with avatars, achievements, and immersive worlds, and one can scarcely blame children for abandoning muddy fields for pixelated kingdoms.
This paragraph provides a compelling explanation of why children prefer computer games, supported by vivid examples and sophisticated language. The argument is clear and well-developed, contributing effectively to the overall task response.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover, the broader social context exacerbates this drift. In an era of hyper-urbanisation and helicopter parenting, outdoor play is frequently curtailed by legitimate fears—traffic, crime, injury, or worse. The once-sacred playground has been replaced by the sterile confines of high-rise apartments and algorithm-governed content feeds. Parents, often pressed for time and eager for convenience, find solace in the passive babysitting power of screens, unknowingly nurturing a sedentary generation whose idea of ‘teamwork’ unfolds via headsets and avatars rather than real-life cooperation.
This paragraph effectively discusses societal factors contributing to the trend, offering a broader context for the issue. It is well-structured and supports the essay's argument with relevant examples. The language is clear and precise, enhancing coherence.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while the digital siren song of gaming continues to enchant the youth with ever-increasing sophistication, its dominance over traditional sports portends a worrying future. The displacement of physical play by virtual indulgence is not a harmless shift in preference but a reflection of deeper societal decay—one that must be urgently counteracted if we are to preserve not just the health of our children, but the very essence of what it means to grow, struggle, and triumph in the real world.
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the essay's stance. It provides a strong closing to the argument, emphasizing the negative implications of the trend. A brief mention of possible solutions or positive aspects could provide a more nuanced conclusion.
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