These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Question
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
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Giải thích
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8
Overall Band
8
Task Response
7
Coherence
8
Lexical
8
Grammar
The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a clear and well-supported argument. The writer demonstrates a strong command of the English language, using a wide range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures. However, there is room for improvement in coherence and cohesion, particularly in ensuring smooth transitions between ideas.
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, discussing reasons for the preference for computer games and evaluating the development as negative. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. The writer's stance is clear and consistently maintained throughout the essay. To improve, the essay could explore more potential positive aspects of computer games to provide a more balanced view.
The essay is logically organized, with clear paragraphing and a logical progression of ideas. However, some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, but there are moments where the flow of ideas could be more seamless.
The writer demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary and uses it effectively to convey precise meanings. There is a good mix of general and topic-specific vocabulary. The essay contains a few sophisticated words and phrases that enhance the argument.
The essay displays a strong command of grammatical structures, using a variety of complex sentences. There are minor errors, but they do not impede communication. The writer effectively uses punctuation and maintains a formal tone throughout.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Introduction
In the digital age, an increasing number of children are opting to immerse themselves in computer games rather than engage in physical sports. This behavioural shift is not a trivial matter of preference but a reflection of profound societal, technological, and cultural changes. While video games may offer certain developmental benefits, I contend that this growing trend is largely detrimental, particularly to children’s physical health, emotional maturity, and social competence.
The introduction effectively sets the context and outlines the main argument of the essay. It clearly states the writer's position and introduces the key points that will be discussed. The introduction is engaging and provides a strong foundation for the rest of the essay.
Body paragraph 1
One of the primary reasons behind this shift is the extraordinary accessibility and psychological appeal of video games. Unlike sports, which demand physical effort, time, and often organised facilities, video games provide instant entertainment, gratification, and a sense of achievement—all from the comfort of one’s home. Many games are designed with sophisticated reward systems and immersive narratives that capture children’s attention and encourage prolonged engagement. This dynamic makes them not only enjoyable but psychologically addictive.
This paragraph effectively explains the allure of video games and why they are preferred over sports. The writer provides clear examples and reasons, making the argument persuasive. However, the transition to the next paragraph could be improved for better coherence.
Body paragraph 2
Another contributing factor is the shrinking availability of safe outdoor spaces in urban environments. Increasing concerns over safety, coupled with the fast-paced routines of modern families, mean that parents are more inclined to keep their children indoors. As a result, screen-based activities become the default form of recreation. Furthermore, the social dimension of gaming—enhanced by multiplayer modes and live interactions—offers a digital alternative to real-world socialisation, which many children now find sufficient.
This paragraph addresses another reason for the trend, providing a well-rounded view of the issue. The points are logically presented, and the writer effectively links the lack of outdoor spaces to increased screen time. The paragraph demonstrates good cohesion, though a smoother transition to the next section would enhance the flow.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the growing preference for computer games over sports among children is driven by technological convenience, safety concerns, and changing social dynamics. While digital games are not inherently harmful, their dominance in children’s lives represents a troubling shift away from physical engagement and social development. A balanced approach that reintroduces physical activity into children’s routines is not only desirable but essential for their holistic growth.
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's stance. It effectively ties together the arguments presented in the essay and offers a solution. The conclusion is strong and provides a satisfying end to the discussion.
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