These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Question
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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7
Overall Band
7
Task Response
7
Coherence
7
Lexical
7
Grammar
The essay provides a clear response to the task, with a well-organized structure and relevant points addressing the reasons behind children's preference for computer games over sports. However, the essay could benefit from more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to achieve higher scores in lexical resource and grammatical range.
The essay addresses all parts of the task, providing reasons for the trend and evaluating whether it is positive or negative. The argument is clear and supported by relevant examples. A more in-depth exploration of the benefits of computer games and a more robust conclusion could enhance the response.
The essay is logically organized, with clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph has a clear central topic, and cohesive devices are used effectively. However, more varied linking phrases and transitional words could improve the flow between ideas.
The vocabulary is appropriate and relevant to the topic, with some instances of precise word choice. However, the range of vocabulary could be expanded, and more sophisticated expressions could enhance the lexical score.
The essay demonstrates good grammatical control, with a variety of sentence structures. Minor errors are present but do not impede communication. More complex structures and greater variety in sentence types could improve the score.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Introduction
In recent years, it has become increasingly common for children to spend more time playing computer games rather than participating in sports. This trend can be attributed to several factors, and although it has some benefits, it is generally seen as a negative development.
The introduction clearly sets the context and outlines the main argument. It effectively introduces the topic and the stance of the essay. Further elaboration on the benefits in the introduction could provide a more balanced view from the start.
Body paragraph 1
There are several reasons why children prefer computer games over sports. Firstly, computer games are easily accessible and can be played indoors, which makes them more convenient than going outside to play sports. With the rise of technology and internet access, children can play games anytime from the comfort of their homes. Secondly, many computer games are designed to be highly engaging and offer instant rewards, which can be more exciting than physical activities. Finally, safety concerns and a lack of open spaces in urban areas may discourage parents from allowing their children to play outdoors, leading them to choose indoor entertainment instead.
This paragraph effectively explains the reasons for the popularity of computer games. The points are relevant and well-explained. Adding more statistical data or studies supporting these reasons could further strengthen the argument.
Body paragraph 2
While there are a few advantages to playing computer games, such as improving hand-eye coordination and developing problem-solving skills, the disadvantages are more significant. Spending too much time on screens can lead to health problems like obesity, poor eyesight, and lack of physical fitness. In addition, children may miss out on developing important social and teamwork skills that are often gained through sports. Physical activities are essential for a child’s overall growth and well-being, and without them, children may suffer both physically and mentally.
This paragraph presents a balanced view by acknowledging some benefits of computer games while emphasizing the negative effects. The argument is clear and supported by relevant examples. Providing more detailed examples or studies could further substantiate the claims.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the growing preference for computer games over sports among children is mainly due to convenience, entertainment value, and safety concerns. However, despite some positive aspects, this is largely a negative development as it can negatively affect children's physical health and social skills. Therefore, it is important to encourage a balanced lifestyle that includes both digital activities and physical exercise.
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and reiterates the stance. It provides a recommendation, which strengthens the conclusion. Expanding on the suggestion with specific strategies could enhance the conclusion further.
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