These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Question
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
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Giải thích
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7
Overall Band
7
Task Response
7
Coherence
7
Lexical
7
Grammar
The essay addresses the task well, providing reasons for children's preference for computer games and discussing the negative impacts. The response is well-structured with clear arguments, but there could be more depth in the analysis and examples. Language is generally accurate with a good range, though there are some areas that could benefit from more precise vocabulary and varied sentence structures.
The essay effectively identifies reasons for children's preference for computer games and evaluates the trend as negative due to its impact on education and health. The argument is clear, but it could be enhanced with more detailed examples or evidence to support the claims. The essay could also explore potential positive aspects more thoroughly to provide a balanced view.
The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are generally well-linked, and the progression is smooth. However, some transitions between ideas could be more seamless, and the conclusion could better synthesize the main points discussed.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some effective language use. However, there are areas where more precise or sophisticated vocabulary could enhance the argument. There is some repetition of words and phrases, which could be varied to improve lexical resource.
The essay generally shows good control of grammar with a variety of sentence structures. There are minor errors, but they do not impede understanding. The use of complex sentences could be increased to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Introduction
Today, children are more and more interested in computer games rather than in sports. The rise of technology and the nature of video games are directly related to children's declining interest in physical activities. Although there are certain advantages, I think this is mostly a negative trend due to its adverse effects on education and health.
The introduction clearly sets up the topic and presents a thesis statement. It effectively outlines the main points that will be discussed. However, it could be enhanced by briefly mentioning both positive and negative aspects before focusing on the negative.
Body paragraph 1
Computer games are very attractive and easily accessible, which is one key factor in this trend. Many games are made to be visually appealing and offer interesting challenges, which helps kids feel entertained and inspired to play for extended periods of time. Kids often prefer to stay at home and play games on their tablets, phones, or laptops rather than participate in sports outside. That means kids lose interest in physical activities, which may eventually lower their overall fitness and energy levels over time.
This paragraph clearly explains the appeal of computer games and their impact on children's interest in physical activities. The ideas are well-developed, but additional examples or statistics could strengthen the argument.
Body paragraph 2
Another factor is that most video games are designed to keep players interested. These games frequently contain rewards, levels, and progression systems to encourage players to keep playing. This can result in children spending too much time in front of screens each day. When kids spend too much time gaming, they might forget important responsibilities such as homework or lesson review. As a result, their grades might drop and they might have trouble staying focused in class. In more serious situations, children may pick up an online gaming addiction, which may affect both their academic and personal lives.
The second body paragraph effectively discusses how game design contributes to excessive gaming and its impact on education. The paragraph is cohesive, and the points are logically developed. However, it could be improved by offering specific examples of games or statistics on gaming addiction.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while computer games may provide some mental benefits and enjoyment, their harmful impacts on children's health and academic performance are more serious. Parents and teachers need to help teenagers manage their screen time and encourage them to participate in regular sports and outdoor activities.
The conclusion summarizes the main points and suggests a solution. It effectively reiterates the negative impacts, but it could be enhanced by restating the reasons why these impacts outweigh the benefits. Additionally, more emphasis could be placed on the potential positive aspects before concluding with the negative impacts.
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