These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Question
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay presents a clear position on the topic, but it lacks sufficient development and balance. There is only one paragraph provided, which limits the depth of the argument. The essay requires more elaboration on why children prefer computer games and whether this trend is positive or negative.
The essay addresses the task by identifying a reason why children prefer computer games over sports. However, it does not fully explore the topic or provide a balanced discussion on whether this is a positive or negative development. More reasons and a clear stance on the development's impact are needed.
The essay is coherent within the single paragraph, but it lacks overall structure. More paragraphs are needed to separate ideas and ensure logical progression. Connective devices are not used sufficiently to link ideas across different points.
The vocabulary is adequate but limited. There is a lack of variety in word choice and a need for more precise language to express complex ideas. The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to better articulate the nuances of the argument.
The grammar is generally accurate, with no major errors. However, the range of grammatical structures is limited. To improve, the essay should incorporate a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical complexity.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Introduction
There are several reasons why children choose online games over outdoor activities for entertainment.
The introduction is brief and lacks a clear thesis statement. It introduces the topic but does not outline the main points that will be discussed or take a clear stance on whether this is a positive or negative development.
Body paragraph 1
The first is the ease of access to satisfy their entertainment needs. Online computer games are becoming more and more popular and are available in almost every household, and children can easily use them for entertainment. For example, if a child has to choose between finding a place to play or just sitting at home and playing, they will often choose to stay at home because not only does it not take time to find a place to play, but also they do not have to worry about the weather or problems that may occur such as getting injured, etc.
This paragraph provides a reason for the preference for computer games but lacks depth. It does not explore other reasons or consider the implications of this choice. Additional points and examples are needed to strengthen the argument.
Body paragraph 2
No second body paragraph is present. The essay needs further development to explore other reasons for the trend and to discuss its impact, both positive and negative.
Conclusion
No conclusion is present. A conclusion should summarize the main points and clearly state whether the development is positive or negative, based on the evidence provided.
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