These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Question
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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7
Overall Band
7
Task Response
7
Coherence
7
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay effectively addresses the task by exploring reasons why children prefer computer games over sports and discussing the negative impacts of this trend. The argument is logical and well-organized, though some points could be elaborated further. Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, with a few minor errors in grammar and sentence structure.
The essay responds well to the task, clearly presenting reasons why children prefer computer games and arguing that this is a negative development. The examples provided support the main ideas, but further development of points could enhance the argument. The conclusion reiterates the main argument effectively.
The essay is logically organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Transition words are used effectively to link ideas, though some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Overall, the essay maintains coherence and cohesion well.
A good range of vocabulary is used appropriately, with some sophisticated word choices and expressions. There are minor errors, but they do not impede understanding. Further variety in vocabulary and more precise word choices could improve the lexical resource.
The essay demonstrates a good grasp of grammar, with a variety of sentence structures used. However, there are occasional errors in sentence structure and grammar, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage, which slightly detract from the overall accuracy.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Introduction
Nowadays, with the development of advanced technology, numerous youths have ignored outdoor activities and prioritized digital gaming instead. In this essay, I will investigate the underlying reasons behind this trend and its negative impact on children.
The introduction clearly sets the context and outlines the essay's intent. It effectively introduces the topic and the writer's stance. However, it could be enhanced by mentioning specific reasons or impacts briefly.
Body paragraph 1
Regarding the contributing factors, many young individuals do not have access to proper outdoor spaces due to urbanization and the population boom. Therefore, they have to turn to online video games as an alternative. These games also contain visually stunning graphics with interactive plots that allow children to be directly involved, which encourages them to spend hours playing by triggering their curiosity. Moreover, the high demand for physical strength, facilities and equipment is another reason for the lack of interest in sports. Computers and smartphones are now widely available so nearly everyone will own a mobile phone powerful enough to play video games, making it easier to approach.
The paragraph effectively addresses reasons why children prefer computer games. It provides logical arguments and examples, though further elaboration could strengthen the points. The transition between ideas is clear, but smoother transitions between sentences would enhance cohesion.
Body paragraph 2
However, in my opinion, the rise of video games does more harm than good. Young people who spend the majority of their time on video games may obtain a sedentary lifestyle as they avoid doing physical exercise. This could lead to obesity and other health problems, which have long-term consequences for their fitness and well-being. Additionally, excessive screen time on highly engaging games might lead to an addiction. As a result, children might abandon their schoolwork, affecting their overall academic performance.
This paragraph effectively argues the negative impacts of video games. It presents a logical argument with supporting examples. The points are clear and relevant, though further development and specific examples could enhance the argument.
Conclusion
In conclusion, although digital gaming can be easily accessible to the youths, I believe it poses various detrimental effects on them, such as health issues or addiction.
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion. It provides a clear summary of the essay's argument, though it could be strengthened by suggesting potential solutions or recommendations.
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