These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Question
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
You can edit this text for your reference. Changes will not be saved.
6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay addresses the task reasonably well and presents a clear stance on the issue. However, it lacks depth in exploring the reasons and implications of the trend. The essay could benefit from more detailed examples and further elaboration on points. The language is generally clear, but there are some issues with sentence structure and variety.
The essay provides a clear response to the task, identifying reasons why children prefer computer games and stating that this is a negative development. However, the reasons are somewhat generalized and lack specific examples or deeper analysis. The argument regarding the negative impact is clear, but it could be strengthened with more evidence or detailed discussion.
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphing. There is a clear progression of ideas, but the connections between some ideas could be made more explicit. Transitional phrases are used, but further variety and complexity in linking devices could improve coherence.
The vocabulary range is adequate for the task, with some attempt at using less common lexical items. However, the language is somewhat repetitive at times. Greater variety and precision in word choice would enhance the essay.
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are occasional errors in sentence structure and punctuation. Some sentences could be more varied in length and complexity. Increased grammatical accuracy and variety would improve the overall score.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Introduction
Nowadays, with the development of advanced technology, numerous youths have ignored outdoor activities and prioritized digital gaming instead. In this essay, I will investigate the underlying reasons behind this trend and its negative impact on children.
The introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the structure of the essay. However, it could engage the reader more effectively with a broader context or an interesting fact.
Body paragraph 1
Regarding the contributing factors, many young individuals do not have access to proper outdoor spaces due to urbanization and the population boom. Therefore, they have to turn to online video games as an alternative. These games also contain visually stunning graphics with interactive plots that allow children to be directly involved, which encourages them to spend hours playing by triggering their curiosity. Moreover, the high demand for physical strength, facilities, and equipment is another reason for the lack of interest in sports. Computers and smartphones are now widely available so nearly everyone will own a mobile phone powerful enough to play video games, making it easier to approach.
The paragraph identifies several reasons why children may prefer computer games. The points are relevant, but they could be developed further with specific examples or statistics. Additionally, the paragraph could benefit from a clearer connection between ideas.
Body paragraph 2
However, in my opinion, the rise of video games does more harm than good. Young people who spend the majority of their time on video games may obtain a sedentary lifestyle as they avoid doing physical exercise. This could lead to obesity and other health problems, which have long-term consequences for their fitness and well-being. Additionally, excessive screen time on highly engaging games might lead to an addiction. As a result, children might abandon their schoolwork, affecting their overall academic performance.
The paragraph provides a clear argument about the negative impacts of video games. The points are valid but could be strengthened with more detailed explanations or examples. The paragraph maintains focus and coherence well.
Conclusion
In conclusion, although digital gaming can be easily accessible to the youths, I believe it poses various detrimental effects on them, such as health issues or addiction.
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion. It could be improved by briefly suggesting potential solutions or alternatives to balance gaming and physical activity.
Sign In
[nextend_social_login]
or sign in with email
The password must have a minimum of 8 characters of numbers and letters, contain at least 1 capital letter
Cô Huyền sẽ liên hệ trực tiếp với bạn qua email hoặc điện thoại trong 1-2 ngày tới để trao đổi cụ thể hơn về việc học.
Hoặc bạn cũng có thể chủ động liên hệ với cô giáo theo thông tin dưới đây để được xếp lớp sớm nhất.
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Xin cám ơn.
ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN
Để đăng ký học IELTS lớp cô Huyền, vui lòng điền form dưới đây để được tư vấn. Hoặc gọi điện trực tiếp cho cô giáo theo số +84.0383.096.717 để giữ chỗ.
Để đăng ký nhanh nhất, vui lòng liên hệ trực tiếp cho cô Huyền theo số:
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Địa chỉ: 63 Vũ Ngọc Phan, Láng Hạ, Đống Đa, Hà Nội
