Evaluation for Question #8595

These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Question

These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Your Essay

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6.5
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar

The essay presents a clear argument on why computer games are preferred over sports among children and argues that this is a negative development. The writer provides reasons and examples to support their claims, but the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion, clearer organization, and more precise language use.

The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons why children prefer computer games and arguing that this is a negative development. The writer provides relevant examples and explanations, but could enhance the task response by considering potential positive aspects of computer games more thoroughly.

The essay is logically organized, but the cohesion between ideas can be improved. Transitions between paragraphs are present but could be smoother. Some arguments are not fully developed, which affects the overall coherence of the essay.

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and inaccuracies. More precise and varied language could enhance the lexical resource score.

The essay contains a mix of complex and simple sentence structures, though there are several grammatical inaccuracies and awkward constructions that detract from the overall clarity. Greater grammatical accuracy and a wider range of sentence structures would improve the score.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Introduction

Much more teenagers prioritize playing games instead of participating in outdoor sports. I believe this is a negative development as a consequence of bad performance in study and sedentary lifestyle.

Body paragraph 1

One significant reason why more and more children prefer to spend time on computer games than on outdoor activities is poor facilities available for sports. Nowadays, overpopulation and urbanization have accelerated, leading to lack of space for doing activities and exorbitant costs. Either children and parents find it difficult to invest in physical development, which they often neglect to enhance their physical health by exercise. Furthermore, the attraction of high technique games manipulates youths to play them most of the time. Due to the advancement of the Game Industry, various kinds of games involve high quantities and catchy gameplay. Not only do the games have bright and dynamic graphics, but the producers also try to use tactics to create a larger source of dopamine, which stimulates children’s excitement. As a result, a considerable number of youths prefer to spend time playing games because they indulge themselves in an addiction.

Body paragraph 2

Although video games may offer some minor benefits, such as improving eye-hand coordination or enhancing problem solving skills in some cases, the overall impact of this trend is largely negative. The reason why more and more children are becoming obese is their sedentary lifestyle. Many researches have proved that the percentage of obese’s children since the technical gadgets were found and spread indicate a surge. Moreover, replacing physical exercise with screen time contributes to serious problems with soft and social skills. In the long term, children who avoid social interaction through sports or group activities may also struggle with communication and teamwork skills.Therefore,while playing computer games create a temporary sense of satisfaction, long exposure with screens is a harmful development for teenagers' social skills and mental well-being.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I believe that the increasing tendency of children to play computer games instead of engaging in sports is a negative development, as it can lead to poor communication skills and mental health issues.

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