These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Question
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task but lacks depth in analysis and clarity in expressing ideas. While the writer presents both reasons for the preference of computer games and discusses its negative impacts, the arguments are not well-developed. The essay also struggles with coherence and cohesion due to some awkward phrasing and grammatical errors.
The essay attempts to answer both parts of the question by providing reasons for why children prefer computer games and discussing whether this is a positive or negative development. However, the analysis lacks depth, and the conclusion is not well-supported by the main body paragraphs. The essay does not clearly state whether the development is positive or negative and instead provides a somewhat ambiguous conclusion.
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are issues with logical progression and clarity. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, affecting the flow of ideas. There is also some repetition of ideas, which detracts from overall coherence.
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some appropriate lexical choices. However, there are occasional inaccuracies and awkward expressions that impact clarity. The writer could benefit from using more varied and precise vocabulary.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, awkward sentence structures, and punctuation mistakes. These errors sometimes obscure meaning and affect the reader's understanding. More complex sentence structures are attempted but not always executed accurately.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Introduction
Along with the development of electronic devices, the increasing of children's love for computer games rather than outdoor activities. What is the cause of this problem and is it beneficial or harmful? In this article, I will clarify my point of view.
The introduction introduces the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement. It attempts to outline the essay's structure, but the phrasing is awkward and unclear.
Body paragraph 1
There are several reasons why children choose online games over outdoor activities for entertainment. First, the ease of accessibility it brings for child’s entertainment. Online computer games are becoming more and more popular and are available in almost every household, and children can easily use them for entertainment. For example, a child will definitely choose to stay at home because not only do they not need to take time to find a place to play, but they also do not have to worry about the weather or problems that may occur such as getting injured, etc. Second, the highly engaging for young people's interested because of the innovation in because of the innovation in game online is more diverse day by day. Children tend to be appealing by the visually stunning graphics, dramatic plot and enjoy the strain of trying to overcome the challenges that designers present. Finally, playing online games can help young people gain opportunities in communication. For instance, children who play online games can have chances to interact and make new friends, expand the relationship. Additionally, they can learn new languages from foreign friends.
This paragraph lists several reasons why children prefer computer games but lacks coherence and clarity. Some sentences are repetitive, and grammatical errors disrupt the flow. The paragraph would benefit from more cohesive linking between ideas.
Body paragraph 2
But this issue also brings some harmful impact on children when spending time to computer games. One of the drawbacks is the leading to physical and health problems. When young people spend most of their time in front of screen rather than going out, they can lack physical activity that can cause obesity , weakness and eyes issue. Another is the communication and situation handling skills can be reduced. Those who do not often go out cannot have opportunities to have useful skills that are necessary in society . Moreover, children who spend too much time on computer games can hardly concentrate in school and that may lead to decline in grades and academic performance.
This paragraph addresses the negative impacts of computer games on children. While it presents some relevant points, it lacks detailed analysis and examples. The paragraph also suffers from grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing.
Conclusion
Children still can play online games whenever they want to reduce stress and be entertained as long as they will not spend too much time in front of screen and balance their daily life. Parents should limit their children's time for computer games and encourage them to play outdoors frequently to prevent increasing the bad effects online games cause.
The conclusion attempts to provide a balanced view but does not clearly state whether the development is positive or negative. It also introduces new ideas rather than summarizing the essay's main points.
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