These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Question
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the question by discussing reasons why children prefer computer games and highlighting mainly the negative aspects of this trend. However, the essay lacks depth in analysis and contains several grammatical and lexical errors. More balanced discussion with clearer structure and improved language use would enhance the essay.
The essay attempts to address both parts of the task by discussing reasons and evaluating the development as negative. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and the essay lacks a balanced perspective. The reasons are briefly mentioned, and the evaluation is one-sided without exploring any potential positive aspects.
The essay contains a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, coherence is hindered by abrupt transitions and a lack of clear topic sentences. Ideas are not logically sequenced, and the essay would benefit from clearer links between sentences and paragraphs.
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary and includes several inaccuracies, such as 'considerable of youths' and 'children’s live'. There are some attempts at using more advanced vocabulary, but overall, the lexical resource is limited and repetitive.
There are frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, sentence fragments, and awkward phrasing. Errors such as 'leading to health problems' instead of 'leads to health problems', and 'children’s eye' instead of 'children’s eyes' affect the clarity and accuracy of the writing.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Introduction
Nowadays, there are a considerable of youths who prioritize digital gaming instead of outdoor activities. In this essay, I will analyze both aspect and show the drawbacks of this phenomenon.
The introduction presents the topic but contains grammatical mistakes like 'considerable of youths' and 'both aspect'. It also sets up the expectation of a balanced analysis, which is not fully realized.
Body paragraph 1
Computer games are developing rapidly due to the development of digital technologies and online games such as LOL, HSR,... It’s become a central part of children’s live and almost everyone has a mobile phone powerful enough to play video games. Virtual games offer highly engaging content that appeals to children, visually stunning graphic and interactive experiences with plots and fancy character design keep people play non-stop for hours on end.
This paragraph explains why children are attracted to computer games. However, it lacks depth and coherence. The reasons are listed but not elaborated upon. Additionally, there are grammatical errors and informal expressions ('LOL, HSR,...').
Body paragraph 2
First of all, digital gaming can reduce physical activity and leading to health problems such as obesity and overweight. When people focus on playing virtual games, they will sit and remain in one place for hours, that may lead to weight gain and obesity when the body burn fewer calories due to lack of physical exercise. Next, playing computer games for a prolonged time is harmful to children’s eye, when children focus on playing on the computer screen, prolonged exposure to blue light and other harmful emissions from digital screens may contribute to eye strain and vision problems. From that reason, children may suffer from long-term consequences for physical health and well-being when spending too much time playing games.
This paragraph attempts to discuss the negative health impacts of gaming. The ideas are relevant but are not well-developed or clearly explained. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, making it hard to follow.
Conclusion
In conclusion, children may suffer from several detrimental of playing virtual games more than doing physical activities.
The conclusion summarizes the main argument but lacks specificity and depth. It does not reflect a thorough analysis of the topic, and the expression 'several detrimental' is grammatically incorrect.
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