These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Question
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
You can edit this text for your reference. Changes will not be saved.
6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both reasons for the popularity of computer games among children and the negative consequences of this trend. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed examples and a clearer structure. While the writer’s position is clear, the essay would benefit from more precise vocabulary and a wider range of grammatical structures.
The essay provides a clear response to the task by identifying reasons for the trend and discussing its negative impacts. However, the analysis lacks depth, and there is a need for more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made. The writer’s position is evident, but the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion, including any potential positive aspects.
The essay presents a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, some ideas are not fully developed, and transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. The use of cohesive devices is evident but could be more varied.
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, some phrases are repetitive or lack precision, and there are occasional errors in word choice. There is room for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary.
The essay uses a range of sentence structures, but there are errors in grammar and punctuation. These errors do not impede understanding but suggest a need for greater accuracy. More complex sentence structures could be utilized to enhance the response.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Introduction
Nowadays, there are a considerable number of youths who prioritize digital gaming instead of outdoor activities. In this essay, I will analyze the drawbacks of this phenomenon.
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer’s intention to focus on the drawbacks. However, it could be improved by briefly mentioning the reasons why children prefer computer games.
Body paragraph 1
Computer games are developing rapidly due to the advancement of digital technologies and online games such as LOL, HSR,... It’s become a central part of children’s lives and almost everyone has a mobile phone powerful enough to play video games. Virtual games offer highly engaging content that appeals to children, visually stunning graphics and interactive experiences with plots and fancy character design keep people play non-stop for hours on end.
This paragraph provides a reason for the popularity of computer games: their engaging content and accessibility. However, it lacks specific examples and could benefit from further explanation of how these factors attract children.
Body paragraph 2
First of all, digital gaming can reduce physical activity and lead to health problems such as obesity and overweight. When people focus on playing virtual games, they will sit and remain in one place for hours, which may lead to weight gain and obesity when the body burns fewer calories due to lack of physical exercise. Next, playing computer games for a prolonged time is harmful to children’s eyes, when children focus on playing on the computer screen, prolonged exposure to blue light and other harmful emissions from digital screens may contribute to eye strain and vision problems. For that reason, children may suffer from long-term consequences for physical health and well-being when spending too much time playing games.
This paragraph effectively discusses the negative health impacts of excessive gaming. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples or data to support the claims. Additionally, the paragraph could be more concise and focused.
Conclusion
In conclusion, many children choose virtual games over physical exercises because games are attractive and easy to access. However, this is mostly a negative development, it can harm their health and affect their academic performance. It’s important to help children to balance their playing time with physical activity.
The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position. It suggests a solution, which is a positive addition. However, the conclusion could be strengthened by reiterating the main reasons and impacts discussed in the essay.
Sign In
[nextend_social_login]
or sign in with email
The password must have a minimum of 8 characters of numbers and letters, contain at least 1 capital letter
Cô Huyền sẽ liên hệ trực tiếp với bạn qua email hoặc điện thoại trong 1-2 ngày tới để trao đổi cụ thể hơn về việc học.
Hoặc bạn cũng có thể chủ động liên hệ với cô giáo theo thông tin dưới đây để được xếp lớp sớm nhất.
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Xin cám ơn.
ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN
Để đăng ký học IELTS lớp cô Huyền, vui lòng điền form dưới đây để được tư vấn. Hoặc gọi điện trực tiếp cho cô giáo theo số +84.0383.096.717 để giữ chỗ.
Để đăng ký nhanh nhất, vui lòng liên hệ trực tiếp cho cô Huyền theo số:
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Địa chỉ: 63 Vũ Ngọc Phan, Láng Hạ, Đống Đa, Hà Nội
