Evaluation for Question #8595

These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Question

These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Your Essay

Nowadays, there are a considerable number of youths who prioritize digital gaming instead of outdoor activities. In this essay, I will analyze the drawbacks of this phenomenon.     Computer games are developing rapidly due to the advancement of digital technologies and online games such as LOL, HSR, and others. It’s become a central part of children’s lives, and almost everyone has a mobile phone powerful enough to play video games. Virtual games offer highly engaging content that appeals to children; visually stunning graphics and interactive experiences with plots and fancy character design keep people playing nonstop for hours on end.        First of all, digital gaming can reduce physical activity and lead to health problems such as obesity and overweight. When people focus on playing virtual games, they will sit and remain in one place for hours, which may lead to weight gain and obesity when the body burns fewer calories due to lack of physical exercise. Next, playing computer games for a prolonged time is harmful to children’s eyes, as when children focus on playing on the computer screen, prolonged exposure to blue light and other harmful emissions from digital screens may contribute to eye strain and vision problems. For that reason, children may suffer from long-term consequences for physical health and well-being when spending too much time playing games.       On the other hand, video games can lead to addiction and poor academic performance. There are several children who spend excessive time playing games due to the visually stunning graphics and highly engaging content of the games. Gaming can distract children from schoolwork and reduce their academic performance over time. When children spend all their time gaming, they won’t pay enough attention to their education; children will be occupied with games and neglect their studies.     In conclusion, many children choose virtual games over physical exercises because games are attractive and easy to access. However, this is mostly a negative development because it can harm their health and affect their academic performance. It’s important to help children to balance their playing time with physical activity.

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Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons why children prefer computer games over sports and argues that this is a negative development. However, the essay would benefit from a more balanced discussion of both positive and negative aspects, as well as a deeper analysis of the reasons behind children's preferences. The essay is well-structured but could be improved with more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures.

The essay adequately responds to the task, identifying the reasons why children prefer computer games and discussing the negative impacts. However, it lacks a balanced view and could explore any potential positive aspects of gaming. The essay could also benefit from a more detailed analysis of why children are drawn to gaming instead of sports.

The essay is generally well-organized with a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the ideas within paragraphs could be better connected with more cohesive devices and transitional phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.

The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but it is somewhat repetitive. The essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and to avoid repetition.

The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, but the sentence structures are relatively simple. More complex sentence structures and varied grammatical forms would enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Introduction

Nowadays, there are a considerable number of youths who prioritize digital gaming instead of outdoor activities. In this essay, I will analyze the drawbacks of this phenomenon.

The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and states the intention to discuss the drawbacks. However, it could be improved by also mentioning any positive aspects or the general reasons why children might prefer gaming to sports.

Body paragraph 1

Computer games are developing rapidly due to the advancement of digital technologies and online games such as LOL, HSR, and others. It’s become a central part of children’s lives, and almost everyone has a mobile phone powerful enough to play video games. Virtual games offer highly engaging content that appeals to children; visually stunning graphics and interactive experiences with plots and fancy character design keep people playing nonstop for hours on end.

This paragraph effectively explains why games are attractive to children. However, it could be improved by providing more analysis on why these elements are more appealing than sports and by connecting back to the overall argument.

Body paragraph 2

First of all, digital gaming can reduce physical activity and lead to health problems such as obesity and overweight. When people focus on playing virtual games, they will sit and remain in one place for hours, which may lead to weight gain and obesity when the body burns fewer calories due to lack of physical exercise. Next, playing computer games for a prolonged time is harmful to children’s eyes, as when children focus on playing on the computer screen, prolonged exposure to blue light and other harmful emissions from digital screens may contribute to eye strain and vision problems. For that reason, children may suffer from long-term consequences for physical health and well-being when spending too much time playing games.

This paragraph discusses the negative health impacts of gaming effectively. However, the connection between these points and the overall argument could be strengthened. Additionally, introducing some positive aspects of gaming for balance might improve the argument.

Conclusion

In conclusion, many children choose virtual games over physical exercises because games are attractive and easy to access. However, this is mostly a negative development because it can harm their health and affect their academic performance. It’s important to help children to balance their playing time with physical activity.

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay. It reinforces the argument that gaming is a negative development but would be stronger if it also acknowledged any potential benefits or solutions more explicitly.

Evaluation for Question #8595

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Links

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Evaluation for Question #8595

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN