These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Question
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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7
Overall Band
7
Task Response
7
Coherence
7
Lexical
7
Grammar
The essay effectively addresses the task, providing reasons for children's preference for computer games over sports and evaluating the negative impact of this trend. The structure is clear, with a logical progression of ideas. However, there could be more development of ideas in terms of specific examples or evidence. The language used is appropriate, with a good range of vocabulary and generally accurate grammar.
The essay responds well to the task, identifying reasons for the trend and discussing its negative implications. The argument is clearly presented, but could be enhanced with more detailed examples or evidence to strengthen the points made.
The essay is logically organized, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Some ideas could be better developed to improve the overall cohesion of the argument.
The vocabulary used is varied and appropriate for the topic. There are some good examples of topic-specific language. Further diversity in vocabulary and more complex expressions could improve this aspect.
The grammatical structures used are varied and generally accurate. There are minor errors, but they do not impede understanding. More complex sentence structures could be used to enhance grammatical range.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games rather than on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Introduction
In recent years, it has become increasingly common for children to spend more time playing computer games rather than participating in sports. This trend can be attributed to several factors, and although it has some benefits, it is generally seen as a negative development.
The introduction effectively sets the context and outlines the main points that will be addressed. It clearly states the writer's stance on the issue.
Body paragraph 1
There are several reasons why children prefer computer games over sports. Firstly, computer games are easily accessible and can be played indoors, which makes them more convenient than going outside to play sports. With the rise of technology and internet access, children can play games anytime from the comfort of their homes. Secondly, many computer games are designed to be highly engaging and offer instant rewards, which can be more exciting than physical activities. Finally, safety concerns and a lack of open spaces in urban areas may discourage parents from allowing their children to play outdoors, leading them to choose indoor entertainment instead.
This paragraph effectively outlines the reasons for children's preference for computer games. The points are clear and well-organized, but could benefit from additional examples or evidence to support the claims.
Body paragraph 2
While there are a few advantages to playing computer games, such as improving hand-eye coordination and developing problem-solving skills, the disadvantages are more significant. Spending too much time on screens can lead to health problems like obesity, poor eyesight, and lack of physical fitness. In addition, children may miss out on developing important social and teamwork skills that are often gained through sports. Physical activities are essential for a child’s overall growth and well-being, and without them, children may suffer both physically and mentally.
The second body paragraph discusses the negative aspects of the trend. The points are well-developed and provide a balanced view by acknowledging some positive aspects. However, more specific examples could enhance the argument.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the growing preference for computer games over sports among children is mainly due to convenience, entertainment value, and safety concerns. However, despite some positive aspects, this is largely a negative development as it can negatively affect children's physical health and social skills. Therefore, it is important to encourage a balanced lifestyle that includes both digital activities and physical exercise.
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's stance. It provides a clear recommendation, which strengthens the argument.
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