Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Question
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay attempts to address both views of the question but lacks clarity and depth in argumentation. There are frequent grammatical errors and some awkward phrasing that affects readability. The essay structure is somewhat clear, but transitions between ideas could be smoother.
The essay discusses both views but does not fully develop the arguments on either side. The opinion is stated, but not well-supported with evidence or examples. The task response lacks depth and could benefit from more detailed explanations.
The structure of the essay is recognizable with clear paragraphs, but transitions are weak, and some ideas are not logically connected. The use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the flow of the essay.
The vocabulary is relevant but limited. There are several spelling mistakes, such as 'advertisments', 'cunsumers', 'customerism', and 'stadard'. There is a need for a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices.
There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and sentence fragments. The range of grammatical structures is limited, and more complex structures could be used to improve the score.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Introduction
There are some people believing that advertisements would bring benefits for economy while I wholeheartedly agree with others who argue that it can have impact on individuals because of discouraging them to be individualistic. This essay will discuss both views.
The introduction presents the topic and states the writer's opinion, but it lacks clarity. The phrase 'discouraging them to be individualistic' is awkwardly phrased. The thesis statement could be clearer.
Body paragraph 1
There are several benefits that advertisments bring for companies and cunsumers. Firstly, advertisements would help companies to provide products for potential customers. Therefore, it can increase companies' profits and production, as well as improving the national economy. Secondly, advertisements will offer customers with various information about the products they need. As a result, it help them make a wise purchasing decision.
This paragraph outlines potential economic benefits but lacks specific examples or evidence to support the claims. There are grammatical errors such as 'advertisments' and 'help them make'. The ideas are not fully developed.
Body paragraph 2
While those advantages, advertisements will have some detrimental impacts on individuals. The technique may use advertisements to bombard viewers with a large number of sales or suggestions. Therefore, it would manipulate buyers to choose unnecessary products, which is called customerism. In addition, advertisements usually generate a narrow definition of beauty or fashion. It build an unrealistic beauty stadard for all viewers, making them feel dissatisfied with their body, their face or their style. Therefore, customers tend to follow that standard and pay for similar products like clothes, shoes, cosmetic products... Consequently, people may look alike and lost their individual style.
This paragraph attempts to discuss negative social impacts but is marred by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The term 'customerism' is incorrect, and there are issues with verb agreement such as 'It build'. The argument about beauty standards is relevant but needs more support and clarity.
Conclusion
To sum up, while advertisements may make a profit for companies or economy, it can have many negative influence on customers, which can make society more and more similar.
The conclusion summarizes the main points but is too brief and lacks depth. The phrase 'many negative influence' should be 'many negative influences'. The conclusion could tie the arguments together more effectively.
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