Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Question
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a basic discussion on both views regarding the impact of advertisements, with a clear opinion stated. However, it lacks depth in argumentation, coherence, and grammatical accuracy, which affects the overall clarity and engagement.
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and presents a clear opinion. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and the essay lacks specific examples to support the claims. More elaboration on how advertisements impact individuals and the economy would strengthen the response.
The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are issues with logical flow and paragraph development. Transitions between ideas are weak, and the essay lacks clear topic sentences and cohesive devices to guide the reader through the arguments.
The vocabulary is basic and somewhat repetitive. There are attempts to use less common lexical items, but there are instances of incorrect word choices and spelling errors, such as 'cunsumers' instead of 'consumers' and 'stadard' instead of 'standard'. The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word usage.
There are frequent grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect sentence structures. Errors such as 'advertisements would bring benefits for economy' and 'it help them make a wise purchasing decision' affect the readability of the essay. The essay requires more accurate and varied grammatical structures.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Introduction
There are some people believing that advertisements would bring benefits for economy while I wholeheartedly agree with others who argue that it can have impact on individuals because of discouraging them to be individualistic. This essay will discuss both views.
The introduction presents the topic and states an opinion. However, the sentence structure is awkward, and there is a grammatical error with 'benefits for economy'. The thesis statement could be clearer.
Body paragraph 1
There are several benefits that advertisments bring for companies and cunsumers. Firstly, advertisements would help companies to provide products for potential customers. Therefore, it can increase companies' profits and production, as well as improving the national economy. Secondly, advertisements will offer customers with various information about the products they need. As a result, it help them make a wise purchasing decision.
The paragraph lists some benefits of advertisements but lacks depth and examples. There are spelling errors ('advertisments', 'cunsumers') and grammatical issues ('it help them'). More detailed explanation and examples are needed to develop the argument.
Body paragraph 2
While those advantages, advertisements will have some detrimental impacts on individuals. The technique may use advertisements to bombard viewers with a large number of sales or suggestions. Therefore, it would manipulate buyers to choose unnecessary products, which is called customerism. In addition, advertisements usually generate a narrow definition of beauty or fashion. It build an unrealistic beauty stadard for all viewers, making them feel dissatisfied with their body, their face or their style. Therefore, customers tend to follow that standard and pay for similar products like clothes, shoes, cosmetic products... Consequently, people may look alike and lost their individual style.
The paragraph discusses negative impacts but includes some unclear sentences and grammatical errors ('build' should be 'builds'). The term 'customerism' seems to be a misuse of 'consumerism'. The argument would benefit from clearer examples and more precise language.
Conclusion
To sum up, while advertisements may make a profit for companies or economy, it can have many negative influence on customers, which can make society more and more similar.
The conclusion summarizes the main points but is brief and lacks a strong closing statement. There is a grammatical error with 'influence' which should be 'influences'. More emphasis on the essay's stance would strengthen the conclusion.
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