Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Question
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
You can edit this text for your reference. Changes will not be saved.
6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, there are several areas where it could be improved, such as providing more specific examples and improving coherence and grammatical accuracy.
The essay discusses both sides of the argument and offers a clear opinion. However, the analysis lacks depth, and there are few concrete examples to support the points made. The opinion is stated, but it could be more effectively integrated throughout the essay.
The essay is organized logically, with a clear structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes mechanical. Some ideas are not fully developed or connected smoothly, affecting the overall flow of the essay.
The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety. There are some attempts to use less common vocabulary, but these are not always used accurately. There are also some repetitive phrases and word choices that limit the lexical range.
There are frequent grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. These errors sometimes impede understanding. The range of grammatical structures used is limited.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Introduction
Nowadays, many people think that advertisements can have positive effects on economy, while others say there are negative effects on society because the consumers are not pleasant with their being and what they own. This essay will discuss both views and express the opinion.
The introduction adequately sets the stage for the discussion. It clearly states the two views and indicates that an opinion will be given. However, the phrase 'not pleasant with their being' is awkwardly worded and could be clearer.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, advertisements may bring many good effects on economy. They can boost the national economy by attracting people’s consumption. The advertisements are well invested, making people interested in them. Some advertisements are inspirational, which can help to increase the consumption because many individuals feel inspired after watching an advertisement. Many big companies use advertisements to make their products become widespread, and to approach the consumers. This way can help the country become wealthier, making people’s lifes become much better.
This paragraph presents some relevant points about the economic benefits of advertisements. However, the explanations are somewhat general and lack specific examples. The sentence structure is repetitive, and there are grammatical errors such as 'making people's lifes become much better.'
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, advertisements might cause many social effects because prople are not satisfied with their being and what they own. First of all, with the development of technology, many inhabitants can approach the advertisements, which give them many unrealistic beauty standards. Many people, especially women are idealized potrayals of beauty by being the same as models. This can lead to the dissatisfaction and low self- esteem. Besides, the advertisements also promote the products from leader companies, making people buy the identical things. The products often come from big companies, including Omo, Ariel, Pepsi, Coca Cola, or from giant technology brand, namely Apple, and Samsung. This can make the consumers feel unpleasant because they own the same things.
The paragraph discusses the social impact of advertisements, focusing on beauty standards and consumerism. The points made are relevant, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases. The argument could be strengthened with more specific examples and clearer connections between ideas.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while advertisements bring many positive economic effects by attracting people’s consumption, they also lead to dissatisfaction because many people look similar and they own identical things. Personally, I think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
The conclusion summarizes the main points and clearly states the writer's opinion. However, it could be improved by reinforcing the key arguments made in the essay and providing a more nuanced final thought.
Sign In
[nextend_social_login]
or sign in with email
The password must have a minimum of 8 characters of numbers and letters, contain at least 1 capital letter
Cô Huyền sẽ liên hệ trực tiếp với bạn qua email hoặc điện thoại trong 1-2 ngày tới để trao đổi cụ thể hơn về việc học.
Hoặc bạn cũng có thể chủ động liên hệ với cô giáo theo thông tin dưới đây để được xếp lớp sớm nhất.
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Xin cám ơn.
ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN
Để đăng ký học IELTS lớp cô Huyền, vui lòng điền form dưới đây để được tư vấn. Hoặc gọi điện trực tiếp cho cô giáo theo số +84.0383.096.717 để giữ chỗ.
Để đăng ký nhanh nhất, vui lòng liên hệ trực tiếp cho cô Huyền theo số:
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Địa chỉ: 63 Vũ Ngọc Phan, Láng Hạ, Đống Đa, Hà Nội
