Evaluation for Question #8613

Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Question

Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Your Essay

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5.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar

The essay discusses both views of the impact of advertisements but lacks clarity and coherence in some parts. There are numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that make the essay difficult to read. The writer addresses the task but the arguments could be better developed and structured.

The essay addresses both sides of the argument and offers an opinion. However, the arguments are not well-developed, and the examples provided are not fully explained or linked to the main point. The conclusion restates the opinion but does not summarize the key points effectively.

The essay has some logical organization, but there are issues with cohesion. Transitions between ideas and paragraphs are weak, making it difficult to follow the argument. Some sentences are poorly connected, and there are abrupt shifts in ideas.

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary with some attempts at using more complex words, which are occasionally used incorrectly. There are repeated errors in word choice and word formation, which sometimes obscure meaning.

There are frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, prepositions, and sentence structures. These errors interfere with meaning and make the essay difficult to read in some parts. There is some variety in sentence structures, but many sentences are awkwardly constructed.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Introduction

There are some individuals suggest that advertisements offer several merits regarding to economy while other individual assume that it has several demerits in term of society as a consequence of individuals' dissatisfaction with themselves and their achievements. I perceived that advertisement's merits are overshadow its demerits.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, it is undoubted that advertisement campaigns affects the society profoundly in a negative way. by creating a mass dissatisfaction for individuals. Fashion or beuty advertisements intentionally create a beauty standard forsociety scale.Thus, many individuals feel dissatisfied about their looking themselves and promote them to purchase the products. Furthermore, advertisements simultaneously affects individuals' dissatisfaction with what they have been achieved. This is because advertisements create a lot of encouragements for consumers to buy its products by releasing product's function and efficiency, exaggerating its products in order to manipulate customer's curiosity and make them less satisfied about that what they have accomplished. For example, Apple annually release new iphones with the aim of increasing their sale. Accordingly, Apple's strategy has foster a huge demand for customer, making them feel less fulfilled about their curren phone.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, advertisement’s positive impacts are more popular crucial compare to its overexaggerated adverse impacts. One benefit is that it contributes significantly to social economy. As the demands for marketing or selling is consistently rising, owing to the advent of advertisements, people are able to access to a wide range of products to purchase. This merit also be said an increase of a small company’s sale or an enterprise. Another merit is that it is capable of promoting the products more internationally which contribute to the entire nation’s economy. The advent of the advertisements in special event such as world cup or Olympic can considered to attract a numerous number of foreign visitor across the world, which increase the country’s economy and other possibly aspects.

Conclusion

In conclusion, while advertisements have several negative effect regarding to society such as creating a beauty standard or exaggerate the products which make people feel dissatisfied, I suggest that the advertisement's positive aspects are overshadow its negative aspects.

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