Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Question
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses both sides of the argument but lacks depth in analysis. The ideas are somewhat repetitive and not fully developed. There are frequent grammatical errors and issues with sentence structure that impede understanding. More examples and clearer points would enhance the argument.
The essay attempts to discuss both views and provides a personal opinion. However, it lacks detailed discussion and analysis of the points raised. The arguments are not well-supported with examples, and the personal opinion is not justified clearly. The task response would benefit from more elaboration and clarity.
The essay is organized into paragraphs, but there are issues with coherence and cohesion. Transition between ideas is not always clear, and some sentences within paragraphs do not logically follow from each other. The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but lacks clarity and does not effectively bring together the main points.
The vocabulary range is limited, and there are frequent errors in word choice and usage. Some words are repeated, and there is a lack of precision in language. The essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more accurate use of language.
There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and article usage. These errors often impede understanding and detract from the overall quality of the writing. Greater grammatical accuracy is needed to improve clarity and coherence.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Introduction
While some peoole think advertisements may have positive development for the economy, others think that advertisements might bring negative impact to the society due to the dissatisfied with who they are and what they have of each individuals. In my perspective, I think advertisements held both benefits and drawbacks.
The introduction presents the topic and attempts to outline both sides of the argument. However, there are grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The thesis statement is somewhat unclear and could be more specific about the points to be discussed.
Body paragraph 1
Advertisements is one of the most beneficial effects for the economy. The significant advantage is it create investment for the companies, by widespreading the products to customers, companies easily gain profits from the money of customers who buy the products. Companies can also make more sales and vouchers for the products to appeal more and more people, reach out for more potential customers and create larger interests. Another advantage of advertisement that bring benefits for economy is that companies has it own credibility, when the products of the companies has gained the trust of customers, it will create credibility and the products will become well-known to everyone, with that everyone will spend their money to the products and companies will receive more and more investment and interests to pursue their brands.
This paragraph attempts to discuss the economic benefits of advertisements but is vague and repetitive. The ideas are not well-explained, and there are several grammatical errors. More specific examples and clearer sentences would strengthen the argument.
Body paragraph 2
However, advertisements could also create negative effects to the society. One of the most noticeable drawbacks is that it create deceptive content, some products announced it will bring effective use for the customers but when people bought it, it did not as effectively as the advertise of the products, for example, companies introduce beauty products that help people loose weight or become more beautiful, this will create unrealistic beauty standards for individuals. Additionally, people will become dissatisfied with products that not contented for their needs and some individuals will feel that it will never be satisfied enough and have to spend more money on the products.
The paragraph presents some negative effects of advertisements but lacks depth. The examples are not clearly linked to the points being made, and there are numerous grammatical issues. The argument could be improved with more detailed analysis and clearer examples.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while advertisements can bring enormous benefits and advantages for the economy, it can also create a bad badly effects to the society due to the dissatisfied of each individuals. Personally, I think that the positive developments and the negative effects of advertisements are on the same scale.
The conclusion attempts to summarize the discussion but is unclear and repetitive. The language is awkward, and the personal opinion is not well-supported by the arguments presented in the essay. A more concise and clearer conclusion would strengthen the essay.
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