Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Question
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and giving an opinion. However, it lacks depth and clarity in its arguments. The essay could benefit from improved coherence and cohesion, as well as a more varied lexical resource and more accurate grammatical structures.
The essay attempts to discuss both sides of the argument and provides a personal opinion. However, the arguments are not well-developed, and the essay lacks specific examples and explanations. The conclusion is very brief and does not adequately summarize the discussion or reinforce the opinion given.
The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas. There is an attempt at paragraphing, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs are weak. The introduction does not clearly set up the discussion, and the conclusion does not effectively tie the essay together.
The vocabulary used is quite basic and repetitive. There is limited use of synonyms and varied expressions. The essay would benefit from a broader range of vocabulary and more precise word choices to convey ideas more effectively.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with punctuation, capitalization, and sentence structure. These errors sometimes obscure meaning and disrupt the flow of the essay. The essay would benefit from more complex sentence structures and better control of grammar.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Introduction
it is said that some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas other think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have.In my opinion,this idea is correct.
The introduction presents the topic and a personal opinion but lacks clarity and proper punctuation. It does not clearly outline the essay structure or provide a balanced overview of the views to be discussed.
Body paragraph 1
On the hand,advertising has many profits.Firstly, advertisements can use advertising for introducing their equipments to customers.For example,Apple company uses advertising to introduce new smartphone.Secondly,advertising can produce new jobs for people like marketing. Nowadays,advertising is very important for many companies.As a result,people will have a job and they can make money to live them and their family.
The paragraph presents some positive effects of advertising but lacks development and depth. The examples provided are not well-explained, and there are several grammatical errors. Additionally, the ideas are not well-connected, leading to a disjointed argument.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand,advertising has many drawbacks.Firstly,many advertising are very noisy so it can effect customers.For instance,gambing advertising is very noisy.Secondly,people can be bombarded by advertisements.Nowadays, advertising is everywhere,any time so people will feel tired since they watch or listen to advertising
This paragraph attempts to describe negative effects of advertising but remains underdeveloped and vague. The points are not clearly elaborated, and there are grammatical errors that hinder comprehension. More specific examples and explanations are needed to strengthen the argument.
Conclusion
In conclusion,advertising has many positive and negative.In my opinion,the benefits are more than the drawbacks so advertisements may have positive economic effects
The conclusion is too brief and does not effectively summarize the key points discussed in the essay. It reiterates the opinion but lacks a strong closing statement that encapsulates the overall argument. More synthesis of the discussed points would improve the conclusion.
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