Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Question
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views on the effects of advertisements, but it lacks clarity and coherence in some areas. The writer presents a clear opinion, but the arguments could be more developed and better organized. There are issues with grammar and vocabulary usage that affect the overall clarity of the essay.
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and some points lack supporting evidence. The conclusion summarizes the writer's stance, but it could be more comprehensive.
The essay is generally coherent, with ideas presented logically. However, some transitions between ideas and paragraphs are abrupt, affecting flow. Improved use of cohesive devices would enhance clarity and coherence.
The vocabulary is adequate but occasionally lacks precision. There are some awkward expressions and incorrect word choices (e.g., 'commercial pose a detrimental change'). Greater variety and accuracy in vocabulary would improve the essay.
There are frequent grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. These errors interfere with the clarity of the essay. Improved grammatical accuracy is needed.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Introduction
There is a proportion of people believe that advertisements transition the economy beneficially whereas the others think that commercial pose a detrimental change to the society due to the discontent of the viewers with who they are and what the possess. Despite the initial benefits, advertisement’s substantial drawbacks outweigh them.
The introduction outlines both views and presents the writer's opinion. However, there are grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect use of articles. The thesis statement is clear but could be more concise.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, commercial gets people informed and well-updated all the time. There is a variety of individuals struggling with being aware of truthful brands among the informative list showcased in the field, and advertisements emerge as a ideal remedy since most of the prestigious brands possess a dominant image on the internet; that will facilitate customers to categorize favourable brand more effortlessly. Moreover, in this way, the investors in advertisements will receive credible enhancement, which not only boost their interest rates but also expand the workforce and more individuals secure being employed; therefore, the local economic growth will enhance in the long run.
This paragraph presents some advantages of advertisements. However, the ideas are not clearly developed, and there are several grammatical errors. The explanation of how advertisements help economic growth is vague and could be more detailed.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, although people benefits being well-informed by commercials, they might face the risk of absorbing inappropriate scenes including violence, sexualization. Especially minors who may face up to some mental disorders after witnessing ads designed for the elderly, since most advertisements’s investors would prioritize their profits by the targeted customers over some ordinary youngsters. Additionally, commercial tends to create an unrealistic beauty standard in order to make a trend which everyone can participate; therefore, they will opt for a stereotype image to be highly favored, which will essentially deteriorate a group of people confidence, social skills, resulting in the commence to deficiency of sense of identification and sense of satisfaction.
This paragraph discusses the negative social effects of advertisements. The points are relevant, but there are coherence issues, and some sentences are overly complex and difficult to follow. More specific examples and clearer structuring would improve this section.
Conclusion
In conclusion, in spite of the fact that advertisement’s economic advantages are irrefusable, its impediments are more considerable
The conclusion restates the writer's opinion but lacks depth and detail. It should summarize the main points more effectively and provide a stronger closing statement.
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