Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Question
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views related to the effects of advertisements. However, there are noticeable issues in grammar, coherence, and lexical resource. The response is somewhat clear but lacks depth and sophistication in argumentation.
The essay presents both sides of the argument and provides an opinion. However, the discussion is somewhat superficial and lacks detailed examples to support the claims made. The opinion could be better integrated and more clearly articulated throughout the essay.
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas and paragraphs are not always smooth, and there is some repetition. The logical flow of ideas could be improved to enhance clarity and cohesion.
The vocabulary used is adequate but limited in range. There are some spelling errors (e.g., 'cunsumers', 'advertages', 'stadard') and awkward phrases that affect readability. More precise and varied vocabulary could improve the essay.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and sentence structures, which impede understanding. The use of articles and prepositions is occasionally incorrect, and sentence fragments are present. Greater grammatical accuracy is needed.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Introduction
There are some people believing that advertisements would bring benefits for economy while I wholeheartedly agree with others who argue that it can have impact on individuals becaus of discouraging them to be individualistic. This essay will discuss both views.
The introduction presents the topic and states a position. However, it contains grammatical errors (e.g., 'believing', 'becaus') and could be more engaging. The thesis statement should more clearly outline both views and the writer's stance.
Body paragraph 1
There are several benefits that advertisments bring for companies and cunsumers. Firstly, advertisements would help companies to provide products for potential customers. Therefore, it can increase companies' profits and production, as well as improving the national economy. Secondly, advertisements will offer customers with various information about the products they need. As a result, it help them make a wise purchasing decision.
This paragraph discusses the economic benefits of advertisements. While the ideas are relevant, they are not fully developed. The paragraph contains spelling mistakes and some awkward phrasing. More specific examples and elaboration are needed to support the points.
Body paragraph 2
While those advertages, advertisements will have some detrimental impacts on individuals. The technique may use advertisements to bombard viewers with a large of sales or suggestions. Therefore, it would manipulate buyers to choose unnecessary products, which is called customerism. In addition, advertisements usually generate a narrow definition of beauty or fashion. It build an unrealistic beauty stadard for all viewers, making them feel dissatisfied with their body, their face or their style. Therefore, customers tend to follow that standard and pay for similar products like clothes, shoes, cosmetic products... Consequently, people may look alike and lost their individual style.
This paragraph addresses the negative social effects of advertisements. The ideas are clear, but there are several grammatical errors and unclear sentences. The term 'customerism' appears to be a misuse, likely intended to be 'consumerism'. The points could be better organized and developed with specific examples.
Conclusion
To sum up, while advertisements may make a profit for companies or economy, it can have many negative influence on customers, which can make society more and more similar.
The conclusion summarizes the main points but does so in a somewhat simplistic manner. It lacks a strong, definitive statement and contains minor grammatical errors (e.g., 'influence' should be 'influences'). A more comprehensive conclusion would reinforce the essay's arguments more effectively.
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