Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Question
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6.0
Overall Band
6.0
Task Response
6.0
Coherence
6.0
Lexical
6.0
Grammar
The essay provides a reasonable discussion of both views regarding the economic benefits and social drawbacks of advertisements. However, it could benefit from a clearer structure, more precise language, and a more balanced examination of both perspectives.
The essay addresses both views and provides an opinion, but the arguments lack depth. The economic benefits are not elaborated sufficiently, and the negative social effects could be explored with more examples and evidence. The personal opinion is stated but not strongly justified.
The essay is generally organized, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the cohesion within paragraphs can be improved by linking ideas more effectively.
The vocabulary is appropriate but lacks variety and precision. There are some awkward phrases, and more sophisticated lexical choices could enhance the essay. Some words and phrases are repeated unnecessarily.
The essay demonstrates a fair range of grammatical structures, but there are frequent errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and word form. These errors sometimes hinder clarity and the overall quality of the writing.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Introduction
Nowadays, many people think that advertisements can have positive effects on economy, while others say there are negative effects on society because the consumers are not pleasant with their being and what they own. This essay will discuss both views and express the opinion.
The introduction outlines the topic and mentions both views but lacks a clear thesis statement. The phrase 'the consumers are not pleasant with their being' is awkward and should be revised for clarity.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, advertisements may bring many good effects on economy. They can boost the national economy by attracting people’s consumption. The advertisements are well invested, making people interested in them. Some advertisements are inspirational, which can help to increase the consumption because many individuals feel inspired after watching an advertisement. Many big companies use advertisements to make their products become widespread, and to approach the consumers. This way can help the country become wealthier, making people’s lifes become much better.
This paragraph presents some positive economic effects but lacks detailed examples and evidence. The sentence structure is basic and could be varied for better engagement. The phrase 'making people’s lifes become much better' is vague and should be more specific.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, advertisements might cause many social effects because prople are not satisfied with their being and what they own. First of all, with the development of technology, many inhabitants can approach the advertisements, which give them many unrealistic beauty standards. Many people, especially women are idealized potrayals of beauty by being the same as models. This can lead to the dissatisfaction and low self- esteem. Besides, the advertisements also promote the products from leader companies, making people buy the identical things. The products often come from big companies, including Omo, Ariel, Pepsi, Coca Cola, or from giant technology brand, namely Apple, and Samsung. This can make the consumers feel unpleasant because they own the same things.
This paragraph provides some valid points regarding negative social effects but lacks coherence in presenting ideas. There are several spelling errors, such as 'prople' and 'potrayals'. The argument about unrealistic beauty standards needs more development. The idea about identical products is interesting but should be linked more clearly to the main argument.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while advertisements bring many positive economic effects by attracting people’s consumption, they also lead to dissatisfaction because many people look similar and they own identical things. Personally, I think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
The conclusion summarizes the main points and gives an opinion, but it could be more compelling. The reasoning behind the opinion should be expanded to reinforce the argument.
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