Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Question
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses both sides of the question but lacks depth in discussion and analysis. There is some repetition of ideas, and the opinion is not clearly articulated. The writing contains several grammatical errors, and there is limited use of cohesive devices, which affects coherence. Vocabulary is adequate but not varied.
The essay addresses both views and attempts to present an opinion, but it lacks depth and development. The arguments are somewhat superficial, and the opinion is not clearly distinguished from the discussion of both views. There is a need for more examples and elaboration to support the points made.
The essay lacks clear progression and organization. There are some cohesive devices, but they are used repetitively. Paragraphs are not well-developed, and the overall structure is somewhat loose. More linking phrases and a clearer introduction of ideas would improve coherence.
The vocabulary is adequate for discussing the topic, but it is not varied. There are some errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., 'customerism' should be 'consumerism'). The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely.
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, particularly in sentence structure and verb forms. Errors sometimes impede understanding (e.g., 'it help them make a wise purchasing decision'). There is a need for more complex sentence structures and greater grammatical accuracy.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Introduction
There are some people believing that advertisements would bring benefits for economy while I wholeheartedly agree with others who argue that it can have impact on individuals because of discouraging them to be individualistic. This essay will discuss both views.
The introduction presents the topic but lacks clarity in expressing the writer's opinion. The thesis statement is not well-developed, and the expression 'discouraging them to be individualistic' is unclear.
Body paragraph 1
There are several benefits that advertisments bring for companies and cunsumers. Firstly, advertisements would help companies to provide products for potential customers. Therefore, it can increase companies' profits and production, as well as improving the national economy. Secondly, advertisements will offer customers with various information about the products they need. As a result, it help them make a wise purchasing decision.
The paragraph presents some benefits of advertisements but lacks depth and development. There are grammatical errors, and the points could be more clearly linked. The idea of 'improving the national economy' is not explained.
Body paragraph 2
While those advantages, advertisements will have some detrimental impacts on individuals. The technique may use advertisements to bombard viewers with a large number of sales or suggestions. Therefore, it would manipulate buyers to choose unnecessary products, which is called customerism. In addition, advertisements usually generate a narrow definition of beauty or fashion. It build an unrealistic beauty stadard for all viewers, making them feel dissatisfied with their body, their face or their style. Therefore, customers tend to follow that standard and pay for similar products like clothes, shoes, cosmetic products... Consequently, people may look alike and lost their individual style.
This paragraph presents some negative effects but is somewhat repetitive. The term 'customerism' is incorrect, and there are several grammatical errors. The connection between points is not always clear, and more examples could strengthen the arguments.
Conclusion
To sum up, while advertisements may make a profit for companies or economy, it can have many negative influence on customers, which can make society more and more similar.
The conclusion is brief and reiterates the main points without adding much insight. The expression 'make society more and more similar' is vague and could be more specific. The conclusion does not clearly restate the writer's opinion or summarize the discussion effectively.
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