Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Question
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents both sides of the argument regarding advertisements, but lacks depth and clarity in its analysis. The arguments are not fully developed, and there are several grammatical and lexical issues that impede understanding.
The essay addresses both sides of the issue but does so superficially. The arguments lack depth and are not well-supported with examples or detailed analysis. The conclusion is brief and does not adequately summarize the discussion or clearly state the writer's opinion.
The essay has basic coherence and cohesion, but there are issues with the logical flow of ideas. Transition between paragraphs and ideas is not smooth, and the essay lacks clear topic sentences and concluding statements within paragraphs.
The vocabulary is limited and includes several errors, such as 'customerism' instead of 'consumerism' and 'stadard' instead of 'standard'. There is a lack of variety in word choice, and some phrases are awkwardly constructed, impacting clarity.
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation. These errors detract from the overall readability of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Introduction
There are some people believing that advertisements would bring benefits for economy while I wholeheartedly agree with others who argue that it can have impact on individuals because of discouraging them to be individualistic. This essay will discuss both views.
The introduction presents the topic but lacks clarity. The thesis statement is not well-defined, and the phrase 'discouraging them to be individualistic' is awkwardly constructed.
Body paragraph 1
There are several benefits that advertisments bring for companies and cunsumers. Firstly, advertisements would help companies to provide products for potential customers. Therefore, it can increase companies' profits and production, as well as improving the national economy. Secondly, advertisements will offer customers with various information about the products they need. As a result, it help them make a wise purchasing decision.
This paragraph presents some positive effects of advertisements but lacks detailed examples or evidence to support the claims. There are minor grammatical errors, such as 'advertisments' and 'cunsumers'.
Body paragraph 2
While those advantages, advertisements will have some detrimental impacts on individuals. The technique may use advertisements to bombard viewers with a large number of sales or suggestions. Therefore, it would manipulate buyers to choose unnecessary products, which is called customerism. In addition, advertisements usually generate a narrow definition of beauty or fashion. It build an unrealistic beauty stadard for all viewers, making them feel dissatisfied with their body, their face or their style. Therefore, customers tend to follow that standard and pay for similar products like clothes, shoes, cosmetic products... Consequently, people may look alike and lost their individual style.
This paragraph attempts to discuss the negative effects but lacks depth and clarity. The term 'customerism' should be 'consumerism', and there are several grammatical errors. The idea of losing individual style is interesting but not fully developed.
Conclusion
To sum up, while advertisements may make a profit for companies or economy, it can have many negative influence on customers, which can make society more and more similar.
The conclusion is brief and does not effectively summarize the key points or provide a strong final opinion. The phrase 'make society more and more similar' is vague and lacks explanation.
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