Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Question
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing both viewpoints, but it falls short in fully developing the arguments. The ideas are not well-supported with clear examples, and the language use lacks precision. It also suffers from some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which affect coherence and readability.
The essay attempts to discuss both views and provides an opinion, but it lacks depth and clarity in the exploration of ideas. The arguments are not sufficiently developed, and there is a lack of specific examples to support the points made. The conclusion is also weak and does not fully encapsulate the discussion.
The essay has basic organizational structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas are abrupt, and there is a lack of cohesive devices to guide the reader through the argument. Some sentences are also poorly constructed, which affects the overall flow.
The vocabulary used is adequate but limited in range. There are some attempts to use topic-specific language, but these are not always accurate or effective. There is also occasional repetition of words and phrases, indicating a lack of variety in lexical resource.
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including incorrect verb forms, awkward sentence structures, and misused articles. These errors detract from the clarity of the message and the overall quality of the writing.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Introduction
While some people think that advertisements may bring numerous economic benefits, others believe there are also potential drawbacks of society as individuals are dissatisfied about their demand with who they are and what they have. In this essay, I am going to discuss both aspects and give my support for latter views.
The introduction outlines the topic and states an intention to discuss both views, but the phrasing is awkward and contains grammatical errors. It also prematurely indicates support for one view without properly introducing the discussion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are some positive economic impacts of advertisement, especially customers may have their demand about any products. In this situation, advertisement can reach these target audience via social media platforms. Thus, companies or businesses can find their customers and increasing their revenue while meet customer's need. Additionally, advertisements can create opportunities the job from businesses and companies in marketing position when growing individuals' need.
This paragraph attempts to discuss the economic benefits of advertising but lacks clarity and proper development of ideas. There are several grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and awkward phrasing. The paragraph also lacks specific examples to illustrate the points made.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, customers are not satisfied which offers negative social effects. Advertisement can be misleading for the customers, this is because advertisement overstates the benefit of products or services so the audience can be disatisfied if the product may not meet their expectation. Furthermore, advertisement can make customers to purchase decisions early so they can be overspending and have poor experience when they purchase product
This paragraph discusses the negative social effects of advertising but is hindered by a lack of specific examples and clear development of ideas. The grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures reduce the effectiveness of the argument. The point about overspending is not clearly connected to the rest of the paragraph.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while advertisements can bring economic benefits such as increasing revenue for business and create the job, there are also social drawbacks like misleading and overspending for customers. In my view, I think we are consider both aspects.
The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but is brief and lacks depth. It does not effectively encapsulate the discussion, and the final sentence is awkwardly phrased, making the writer's stance unclear.
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