Large companies should pay higher salaries to CEOs and executives compared to other workers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Large companies should pay higher salaries to CEOs and executives compared to other workers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task and maintains a position throughout, but there are several issues in grammar, coherence, and vocabulary that hinder clarity. The arguments presented lack depth, and there is a need for more specific examples and clearer explanations to strengthen the essay.
The essay presents a clear position in favor of higher salaries for CEOs and executives, but the arguments provided are not sufficiently developed. There is a need for more detailed reasoning and examples to support the position. The essay could benefit from discussing potential counterarguments and addressing them to provide a balanced view.
The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the ideas within paragraphs are not always logically ordered, and transitions between ideas are weak. There is a need for better linking phrases to guide the reader through the arguments.
The essay attempts to use a range of vocabulary, but there are several inaccuracies and awkward phrases that reduce clarity. Some word choices are inappropriate for the context, and there is noticeable repetition. Greater precision and variety in word choice are needed.
There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with sentence structure, verb forms, and article usage. These errors interfere with the overall readability of the essay. More attention to complex sentence structures and accuracy is required.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Large companies should pay higher salaries to CEOs and executives compared to other workers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
It is a contentious debate that the directors of many bloomed firms should be achieved a higher annual wages than the ordinary. I totally agree with this statement due to some reasons which will be analyzed in this essay.
The introduction clearly states the writer's position, but it contains grammatical errors that affect clarity. The phrase 'bloomed firms' is awkward, and 'should be achieved' is incorrect. A clearer overview of the main points to be discussed would strengthen the introduction.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly, as a manager's situation, they are likely to acquire the social skills which make the executives to be more feasible to clearly convey all the constructive ideas to their worker. Moreover, compared to the cruel workforce in which industrialization with incorporative working method conquered, economic workforces now are requiring more on collaborative workforce, resulting in most directors are responsible for creating the social environments which help subordinary adapting to the pace of work. Thus, to become a manager or CEO is quite imposible to everyone if people dream to thrive in career ladder.
The paragraph attempts to argue the importance of social skills and collaborative environments, but it lacks clarity due to confusing sentence structures and vocabulary errors. The point about the shift from industrialization to collaboration needs clearer explanation and connection to the main argument.
Body paragraph 2
These professions require people to have self making decision skill which is significantly vital in this era, resulting in directly boosting the domestic economy of the firms, leading to easily go through many dramatic obstacles related to financial problems and have greater access to flourishment. For instance, Elon Musk who is regarded as the richest person in the world due to all his approachments he has deserved his sale life in order to making a huge number of wise decisions such as investing and developing in some risky projects. Consequently, he obtained nearly two thirds the whole world property. The more he suffered from obstacles, the more he gained.
The paragraph presents an example of Elon Musk but contains several inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. The argument about decision-making skills is relevant, but it needs clearer expression and stronger links to the main topic. The example of Elon Musk is not entirely accurate and should be more directly connected to the argument about CEO compensation.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I contend that managers’ position is willing to be prioritize to gain higher compensation due to all the efforts they deserve and well undergo the risk of harsh workforce merging gradually.
The conclusion restates the position but is weakened by grammatical errors and unclear phrasing. The phrase 'willing to be prioritize' is incorrect, and the point about 'harsh workforce merging' is unclear. A more concise and error-free summary would reinforce the essay's main argument.
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