Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6.5
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing the writer's opinion. However, the arguments could be more developed with specific examples, and there are some grammatical errors that affect clarity. The essay is coherent, but the cohesion could be improved with better linking between ideas and paragraphs. Lexical resource is adequate, but there are some inaccuracies and repetition. Grammatical range and accuracy need improvement to enhance the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
The essay presents a clear position and discusses both views as required by the task. The arguments are relevant, but they could be further developed with more detailed examples and explanations. The opinion is clearly stated, but the exploration of the implications of each viewpoint could be deeper.
The essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the use of linking words and phrases could be improved to enhance the flow of ideas. Some sentences and paragraphs do not transition smoothly, which affects the overall coherence.
The vocabulary used is appropriate and relevant to the topic. However, there are instances of repetition, and some word choices are inaccurate or awkward. Greater variety and precision in vocabulary would improve the lexical resource score.
There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect article usage, which affect the clarity of the essay. Additionally, sentence structures could be more varied to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Many individuals argue that factories and retailers should be in charge of reducing the amount of goods packaging, whilst others believe that customers should purchase goods without lots of packaging. From my perspective, I contend that companies should produce less packaging in order to alleviate the rate CO2 emission, and each individuals should also avoid purchasing goods with lots of packaging to promote environmentally friendly products.
The introduction effectively outlines the two perspectives and presents the writer's opinion. However, the thesis statement could be more clearly articulated, and there is a grammatical error with 'each individuals' which should be 'each individual'.
Body paragraph 1
First, it is undeniable that producing packagings for goods can result in severe air pollution. As most of items sold in supermarkets now are wrapped by plastic packagings, I believe that the process to make these plastic packaging can detrimentally affect the air. Due to this negative impact, I think companies and supermarkets need to cut down on making plastic wraps and packaging. Furthermore, when using less money on producing packaging, factories could allocate their budget to improve the quality of their products. For instance, Milo ones changed their plastic straws to paper straws, and focus on enhancing the flavour and nutrients value in their milk, as a result, it now became one of the most prevalent milk companies in the world.
This paragraph presents a clear argument for why manufacturers should reduce packaging. However, the example of Milo could be more clearly linked to the main argument. There are also grammatical errors, such as 'packagings' which should be 'packaging', and 'Milo ones' which is unclear and should be 'Milo once'.
Body paragraph 2
However, I believe each individuals should take action and avoid purchasing items with lots of packaging in order to discourage companies in making these extra products. By ignoring goods with many packaging, customers can significantly discourage companies and supermarket to sale products that go along with plastic wraps, thereby forcing them to stop making these unnecessary packaging. Besides that, customers can choose to buy items that are more environmentally friendly. For examples, individuals can opt for reusable water bottles that made from green material such as glass, instead of purchasing plastic water bottles. When this become a trend, people can together promote environmentally friendly products, thus contributing to alleviate worldwide pollution.
This paragraph discusses the role of consumers effectively. It contains relevant examples, but they could be more specific. There are grammatical errors, such as 'each individuals' which should be 'each individual', and 'to sale' which should be 'to sell'. The paragraph would benefit from clearer linking between ideas.
Conclusion
In conclusion, although companies should be in charge of stop producing packaging to ease the rate of CO2 emissions, I firmly believe that it is also individuals’ responsibility to opt for more environmentally friendly products in order to discourage factories in making extra packaging.
The conclusion summarizes the main points well, reiterating the writer's opinion. However, the phrase 'in charge of stop producing' is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to 'in charge of stopping the production of'.
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