Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a clear discussion on the topic, addressing both sides of the argument. However, the response lacks clarity in expression and contains several grammatical errors that impede comprehension. There is a need for better organization and development of ideas, as well as more precise language use.
The essay addresses both views and provides an opinion. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and some ideas lack clear support or examples. The opinion is stated, but it could be better integrated with the discussion.
The essay lacks clear paragraphing and logical progression of ideas. There are some linking devices used, but they do not always effectively connect the ideas. The essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more cohesive devices to improve flow.
The vocabulary is limited and sometimes used inaccurately, which affects clarity. There are repeated terms and expressions, and the essay lacks a range of vocabulary needed for higher-level writing. More varied and precise language would enhance the essay.
There are frequent grammatical errors, including issues with sentence structure, verb forms, and agreement. These errors often obscure meaning and undermine the overall quality of the writing. Greater grammatical accuracy and sentence variety are needed.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
There are divergent opinions on whether supermarkets' owners should be responsible for decreasing wrapping containers products or if consumers themselves should reject buying these kinds of items. From my perspective, it is the manufacturers that take the role of eliminating the number of goods' packaging.
The introduction presents the topic and states an opinion. However, the language is awkward, and the thesis statement could be clearer and more directly related to the task.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is reasonable for customers to not purchase items with lots of packaging with the purpose of protecting the environment and decreasing the burden to government. Firstly, reducing the consumption of packaging can be able to eliminate the amount of plastic items release into the environment. This is because product containers are use made by toxic plastic, which is hard to decompose when being littered. Moreover, these kinds of undecomposed trash will cause inherent danger and threat to marine species when they trap into their body part, creating difficulties for sea animals to active. Secondly, since this sort of rubbish are difficult to decompose, so that it would take a large focus on government budgets to deal with this problem. As a result, this will create a burden to the government funding and also be considered as a waste of money since these resources can be invested in another necessary project such as constructing schools, hospitals, and improving national infrastructure.
The paragraph presents some reasons supporting the view that customers should avoid packaged goods. However, the ideas are not well-organized, and there are several grammatical errors that obscure meaning. More specific examples and clearer connections between ideas are needed.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, the companies’ owners should be in charge of reducing goods packaging due to some reason. Firstly, companies and leaders should actively cut down on the items with many wrappings as they are the unit that publish goods to the market. This is because the supermarket are the distribution unit, so it will be easier for them to directly take action into the situation. Secondly, by reducing plastic package, the environmental peace and the biodiversity will be safely ensure since plastic trash are the main purpose causing pollution. As a result, the elimination of packaging will lessen rubbish released into the environment, leading to a cleaner and greener living area.
The paragraph attempts to argue that manufacturers and supermarkets should be responsible. However, the points are underdeveloped and not clearly linked to the main argument. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that make the argument difficult to follow.
Conclusion
To conclude, although customers can eliminate using plastic packaging items since it can preserve our planet and lessen financially burden on the government, I’m still firmly believe that it is the manufacturers responsibility to prevent the usage of wrapping of goods.
The conclusion restates the writer's opinion but does not effectively summarize the main points. The language is awkward, and there are grammatical errors present. A more concise and clear conclusion would strengthen the essay.
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