Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Question
Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
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Giải thích
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7
Overall Band
7
Task Response
8
Coherence
7
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay presents a well-balanced argument, effectively discussing both the roles of governments and large companies, as well as individuals in improving the environment. The writer provides relevant examples and maintains clear coherence throughout the essay. However, further development in vocabulary range and grammatical accuracy could enhance the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear stance that individuals, along with governments and large companies, can contribute to environmental improvements. It provides relevant examples and explanations to support the argument. However, further elaboration and more diverse examples could strengthen the response.
The essay is well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, and the argument is logically structured. Paragraphs are clearly connected and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some effective use of collocations and expressions. However, there is room for more varied and sophisticated lexical choices to enhance the overall quality of the writing.
The essay shows a good range of grammatical structures, but there are some minor errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity and precision. More complex sentence structures and greater grammatical accuracy could improve the score.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Introduction
It is a widely held belief that only governments and big corporations have the power to make a difference in terms of environmental improvements. While it is true that these entities have significant influence and resources at their disposal, I agree that individuals also have the ability to bring positive impacts to the environment.
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by presenting the main argument and outlining the stance. It clearly introduces the topic and the writer's viewpoint. However, a more engaging opening sentence could capture the reader's interest more effectively.
Body paragraph 1
To begin with, it does appear that improving the environment often involves policies and actions on large scales that require a colossal number of financial and human resources which only governments and large corporations can afford. To be specific, governments hold the power to enact laws and regulations to bring about changes in protecting the environment or provide incentives to stimulate such processes. Meanwhile, big businesses are capable of investing in research to find solutions for environmental issues and integrating such initiatives deeply into their operations at industrial levels to make real changes. For instance, to reduce the amount of wastewater being released into rivers and the ocean, governments can establish stricter regulations mandating manufacturing companies to apply better water waste treatment processes to meet certain standards before discharging industrial waste into the environment. While the environmental benefits of such an activity is obvious, it may be impossible for any individual and only seems achievable with the combination of governments and corporations.
This paragraph provides a detailed explanation of the roles of governments and large companies in environmental improvements. The example given is relevant and supports the argument well. However, the paragraph could benefit from more concise language and varied sentence structures to enhance readability.
Body paragraph 2
However, individuals can certainly play a role in bringing about environmental improvements by adopting sustainable practices in their daily life thanks to their collective effort. These can include reducing energy and water consumption, switching to renewable energy rather than fossil fuels, or supporting environmentally friendly products. The result of these actions for one individual may seem small, but when practised on large-scale, they can add up to make significant impacts. Additionally, these impacts can sometimes grant people the concomitant advocacy right that may push governments and large enterprises to adapt to green initiatives at a faster pace. For instance, if every household opted for reusable bags instead of single use plastic bags, it would not only result in a significant reduction in the amount of plastic pollution, but also force companies to abandon the production and distribution of plastic bags for greener alternatives.
The paragraph effectively discusses the potential impact of individual actions on the environment. The example of reusable bags is appropriate and illustrates the point well. However, more precise language and varied vocabulary could improve the paragraph's clarity and impact.
Conclusion
In conclusion, although the government and big enterprises possess the ability and vast resources available to cope with environmental issues, individuals’ capabilities to positively influence environmental improvements due to their collective efforts and advocacy power should also be recognized.
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's stance. It provides a clear and concise ending to the essay. However, a more impactful concluding sentence could leave a stronger impression on the reader.
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