Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task with a clear discussion of both views but lacks depth in analysis and development of ideas. There are frequent grammatical errors and issues with vocabulary that impede clarity. Coherence and cohesion are somewhat maintained, but the essay could benefit from better organization and more comprehensive linking of ideas.
The essay discusses both views on the responsibility for pollution due to transportation. However, the analysis of each perspective is superficial, and the conclusion does not strongly convey the writer's opinion. There is a need for more developed arguments and examples to support the points made.
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is not always clear, and transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes incorrect.
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary with some errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., 'indivisuals,' 'cizitens'). There is some attempt to use less common vocabulary, but it is often inaccurate or awkward. More precise and varied language is needed to convey ideas effectively.
Frequent grammatical errors are present, including subject-verb agreement issues ('government have'), incorrect verb forms, and inappropriate punctuation. These errors reduce the clarity and effectiveness of the communication. Greater grammatical control is needed.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Researchers and scientists have reported that the cause of environmental issues are due to the transportation of items and citizens. While some believe the government have the responsibility to deal with pollution, others argue that it is the people themselves who contribute to the damage of eco-system. In this essay, both aspects will be discussed to conclude whether it is the fault of indivisuals or government that cause environment problems
The introduction outlines the task and presents both views. However, it lacks a clear thesis statement that includes the writer's opinion. Spelling and grammatical errors are present.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly, the transportations of goods that are damaging the environment can be prevented by strict rules from the government. Shipping commodities or private vehicles contain various potential harms for the eco-system such as the increasing number of vehicles that produce gas emmisions, the amount of waste from packaging items,.... and those consequences can only be limited by the power of authority. By having more laws for the area of shipping products and transportation, the government hold a essential role in protecting the environment. Moreover, government have the ability to raise awareness among their citizens, showing them approaches to prevent harming the eco-system. For instance, goverment can encourage people to use public transport or constructing more alternative roads for those vehicles
This paragraph presents the view that the government is responsible for addressing pollution. It provides some examples but lacks depth and specificity. Grammatical errors and incorrect use of vocabulary are evident. The paragraph could benefit from more detailed examples and clearer connections between ideas.
Body paragraph 2
However, the indivisuals also hold a key role in reducing the amount of pollution. It is undeniable how various pollution issues are due to the irresponsibility of cizitens. They use private vehicles for convenience without knowing about the potential harms to the eco-system. People choosing to purchase products online which increase the transportation of items is one of the most vivid examples since online shopping provide them various benefits. Therefore, indivisuals should be acknowledged about the negative effect of private vehicles or shipping goods. As a result, environment problems can be limited with collective efforts from everyone
This paragraph discusses the role of individuals in pollution. It offers relevant points but lacks detailed analysis and clarity. The argument is not fully developed, and there are several grammatical and spelling errors. More precise language and elaboration on examples would enhance the argument.
Conclusion
In conclusion, even thou the government hold the power to avoid environment problems like polluion, indivisuals should also have the responsibility to contribute their efforts for a clean environment
The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but does not clearly state the writer's opinion. It is brief and lacks a strong concluding statement. Spelling errors are present, and the argument could be more compelling.
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