Evaluation for Question #8778

Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Question

Your Essay

Environmental issues such as pollution have become a major concern in recent years. It is claimed that the transportation of goods and passengers is the main reason, while many think that the government should be responsible for this problem. From my perspective, I strongly believe that both individuals and politicians should be in charge of this phenomenon.
On the one hand, human activities such as transportation of products and people can lead to many reverse consequences. Firstly, the emission of various vehicles is the reason that can be clearly seen. Most of the vehicles such as cars, motorbikes or trucks release to the environment an amount of carbon dioxide, which is one of the most popular pollutants resulting in air pollution. For example, Hanoi City is the most contaminated city in the world with the worst air quality, increasing more health problems to residents. Secondly, transportation of goods has destroyed the sea because of many accidents caused by humans. According to the New York Times, more than 35% of the ships in the 21st century have spilled oil into the sea, adversely affecting aquamarine and biodiversity. These faults lead to the depletion of underwater animals, and people have to face large amounts of contaminants around them.
On the other hand, the government does not take proper responsibility for pollution. The politicians do not implement strict environmental laws for businesses. Most companies now freely release untreated waste to the sea or rivers, this can damage the underwater habitats and also strongly impact on households near industrial areas. In fact, the sea around the world now contains a large amount of garbage from human activities, and some villages using beaches to improve tourism have to deal with these issues. Additionally, the government does not develop a campaign to spread awareness of environmental issues. The lack of information about pollution makes individuals not acknowledge how the environment is; therefore, they can not take action immediately to prevent pollution from their own actions.
To sum up, I claim that not only individuals and also the government are worsening the environment day by day. Humans should be aware that their activities can cause lots of environmental problems, while the government should publish more strict environmental laws to limit the human’s effect, and give information about pollution to residents to tackle this phenomenon.

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Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, there are issues with coherence and cohesion, as well as grammatical range and accuracy. The argument could be more clearly structured, and some points need more development. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that detract from the overall clarity.

The essay adequately addresses both views and provides an opinion. However, the argument lacks depth in some areas, and the conclusion could more clearly restate the main points. The discussion of the government's role and individual responsibility could be more balanced.

The essay has a logical structure, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Some points are not fully developed, leading to a lack of cohesion in the argument. Better use of linking words and phrases would improve the flow.

The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are some instances of awkward or unclear phrasing. A wider range of vocabulary could enhance the essay's clarity and precision. Some word choices are not entirely accurate in context.

There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with subject-verb agreement, prepositions, and sentence structure. These errors occasionally hinder understanding. More complex sentence structures could be used to demonstrate grammatical range.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Introduction

The introduction sets up the topic and states an opinion. However, the thesis statement could be more specific about how both parties can contribute to solving the issue.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, human activities such as transportation of products and people can lead to many reverse consequences. Firstly, the emission of various vehicles is the reason that can be clearly seen. Most of the vehicles such as cars, motorbikes or trucks release to the environment an amount of carbon dioxide, which is one of the most popular pollutants resulting in air pollution. For example, Hanoi City is the most contaminated city in the world with the worst air quality, increasing more health problems to residents. Secondly, transportation of goods has destroyed the sea because of many accidents caused by humans. According to the New York Times, more than 35% of the ships in the 21st century have spilled oil into the sea, adversely affecting aquamarine and biodiversity. These faults lead to the depletion of underwater animals, and people have to face large amounts of contaminants around them.

This paragraph presents relevant points but could be clearer and more concise. The transition between examples could be smoother, and the statistics should be more accurately used. Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, affecting clarity.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, the government does not take proper responsibility for pollution. The politicians do not implement strict environmental laws for businesses. Most companies now freely release untreated waste to the sea or rivers, this can damage the underwater habitats and also strongly impact on households near industrial areas. In fact, the sea around the world now contains a large amount of garbage from human activities, and some villages using beaches to improve tourism have to deal with these issues. Additionally, the government does not develop a campaign to spread awareness of environmental issues. The lack of information about pollution makes individuals not acknowledge how the environment is; therefore, they can not take action immediately to prevent pollution from their own actions.

This paragraph touches on valid points regarding governmental responsibility but lacks depth in the explanation. The argument could be strengthened by providing more concrete examples of governmental measures or failures.

Conclusion

To sum up, I claim that not only individuals and also the government are worsening the environment day by day. Humans should be aware that their activities can cause lots of environmental problems, while the government should publish more strict environmental laws to limit the human’s effect, and give information about pollution to residents to tackle this phenomenon.

The conclusion summarizes the main points, but it could more effectively restate the essay's thesis and propose specific solutions or actions both parties could take. The phrasing is somewhat awkward, affecting the strength of the conclusion.

Evaluation for Question #8778

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Evaluation for Question #8778

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN