Evaluation for Question #8778

Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Question

Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your Essay

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6.5
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar

The essay presents a clear discussion on both views regarding the responsibility for pollution caused by transportation. The writer effectively presents arguments for the role of both the government and individuals. However, the essay could benefit from more precise language and improved coherence in some areas. Grammatical errors and awkward phrasing occasionally detract from the clarity of the argument.

The essay addresses both views on the issue and provides a clear opinion. The writer supports their argument with relevant examples and explanations. However, the discussion could be more balanced by expanding on the counterarguments and providing more evidence to support the individual's role in pollution reduction.

The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphing. However, some transitions between ideas are abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. Improved linking between sentences and paragraphs would enhance the flow of the essay.

The vocabulary is adequate for the task, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and inappropriate word choices. The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise language to convey the arguments more effectively.

The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors occasionally hinder the clarity of the argument. More complex sentence structures could also be used to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical range.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Introduction

It has been shown that the major cause of pollution is the transportation of goods and human. While some hold the view that the government should take accountability for this issue, others believe individuals are the ones who predominantly contribute to environmental degradation. From my perspective, although the government can tackle with this problem using their authority and abundant resources, I believe each individual can take part in alleviating the pollution by bringing out collective actions such as changing consumption patterns and adapting to a more eco-friendly lifestyle, as I will further elaborate in this essay.

Body paragraph 1

First, it is conspicuous that the government possesses the authority and rich resources that other individuals lack of. By introducing legislative measures, such as enacting new laws or imposing strict regulations, the government can effectively curb over-exploitation, thereby restoring the eco-system. For instance, Vietnam’s government once implemented rules on deforestation, discouraging companies and factories to exploit wood. As a result, a significant amount of trees had been preserved. Moreover, the government is the sole entity that has the capability to subsidizing renewable energy and utilize it in a large scale. Because of that, the authorities can introduce incentives in order to promote eco-friendly sources of energy, thus mitigating the burden of environmental degradation on the country.

Body paragraph 2

While law makers can preserve natural habitat via their authority and resources, I strongly believe that each individual can also contribute to saving the environment through the power of collective actions. First, individuals can start with simple but practical actions, such as turn off the light after using, or shower for a shorter time in order to save water. These small actions may seem trivial and insignificant; however, if they are done by thousand, or even million of individuals, then the impact on the environment would be multiplied. As a result, the eco-system could drastically improved, solidifying the power of individuals. Additionally, in the role of customers, individuals can transition to more eco-friendly market trends, and boycott companies that use harmful chemical in their products. Due to this shift in consumer’s behavior, those who want too remain in the industry must adapt to more environmentally friendly materials, thus reducing the amount of unnecessary waste in their industrial operation.

Conclusion

In conclusion, although the government possesses the authority and rich resources to enact strict laws to prevent over-expoiltation and to promote renewable energy, I believe that each individual can also adapt to a more sustainable lifestyle and shift their consumer’s behaviour in order to preserve the natural habitat.

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Địa chỉ: 63 Vũ Ngọc Phan, Láng Hạ, Đống Đa, Hà Nội