Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views regarding the responsibility for pollution caused by transportation. However, there are areas for improvement in terms of task response, coherence, lexical resource, and grammatical accuracy. The essay could benefit from clearer development of ideas and more precise use of language.
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, but the analysis lacks depth in certain areas. The opinion is given, but it could be more explicitly stated and supported. The essay could benefit from more examples and a clearer stance on the issue.
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear structure. However, transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Some points are not fully developed or connected, which affects the overall coherence.
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are several instances of inappropriate or awkward word choices. More precise and varied vocabulary would enhance the clarity and impact of the arguments presented.
The essay contains some grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures that affect readability. There is a mix of complex and simple sentences, but better control over grammatical structures is needed to enhance clarity and precision.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Researchers have demonstrated that the transportation of goods and human are the root cause of pollution. Some individuals are of the claim that the authority should be responsible for this phenomenon, while others think that it is the fault of citizens. From my perspective, I would evaluate both schools of thought before proposing my point of view in this essay.
The introduction sets up the topic and outlines the intention to discuss both views. However, it could be more concise and the thesis statement could be clearer in expressing the writer's opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are some major rationales that explain why some people believe tackling pollution should be the government's responsibility. As having the large- scale influence, the authority is capable of imposing laws and regulations, which can regulate residents' behavior. This is due to the fact that heavy fines and higher taxes are the key factors that have a pivotal role in raising awareness of people about environmental issues, especially pollution. For example, the COP24 conference was held in Paris, which mainly focused on environmental protection around the world. This meeting has led to significant improvements in preserving the Earth against both internal and external effects. As a result, the government has international power, which can call for collaborative actions from many countries in order to remedy this situation.
The paragraph presents reasons why the government should be responsible, supported by an example. However, the link between the example and the main point is not fully clear. More detailed explanation and stronger coherence between ideas would improve the argument.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, it is undeniable that individuals are also the culprit behind the pollution. Firstly, each citizen is emitting a huge number of CO2 every day, which can be seen in their private vehicles. For instance, Viet Nam is one of the most polluted nations, which has nearly 95 million people. Consequently, residents are facilitating the emergence of pollution whether they know or not, which makes the environment gradually becomes worse than before. Secondly, it is the lack of awareness that leads to the negative actions to the environment of people. This is because they are not educated in family or school about the importance of protecting people's habitat, their mindset is gone to wrong direction that is the culprit behind their behaviour.
The paragraph highlights the role of individuals in pollution and provides examples to support the claim. However, the ideas could be more clearly linked and developed. The explanation of points could be more precise and the language used could be clearer.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that both government and citizens should collaborate to solve the environmental problems, as the collective action is the most powerful force
The conclusion summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's opinion. However, it could be more conclusive by restating the main arguments and providing a stronger final statement.
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