Evaluation for Question #8778

Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Question

Your Essay

Nowadays, it is a research that the carriage of people and commodities is the main cause
of contamination. It leads to an argument that while some people think the authority should be
responsible for this, others believe it is the responsibility of individuals. I fully agree with the opinion
that the pollution is the fault of individuals and this essay will analyze advantages of
individuals and lawmakers in the field of contamination.
    On the one hand, people who believe that the government has responsibility for pollution might point out the effects of the authority in protecting the ecosystem. Firstly, politicians have power to enforce the laws of preserving the environment. It means that they can impose taxes on unsustainable products and fine citizens implementing activities affecting badly to the ecosystem. The regulations make residents have to obey because they can be jailed or punished if they object to laws. Secondly, they can attract international investment through some green environmental programs. It leads to the higher amount of money to organize some environmental preserving activities such as building public transports and widening the road to limit the high density of vehicles on the roads, especially at peak time and reduce the pollution led from the transportation of products and individuals.
On the other hand, individuals are seemed to have fault in environmental problems. Their use of vehicles of them and the demands of products cause the high density of transports and the high amount of emissions. All of the smoke and waste from vehicles which are emitted impact to the ecosystem in a negative way. Therefore, they are in charge of environmental contamination by solving it through protecting environment activities ranging from collective ecosystem-conserving actions and using more public transports to restrict the emissions. The root cause is the lack of people’ awareness, so environmental pollution can be altered if they are more have some actions for preserving the ecosystem.
     In conclusion, individuals have more responsibilities for environmental conservation because their high demands of utilizing products and vehicles although the government have power and rights to reduce it. The authority’s responsibilities can affect a little bit, the pollution depends much on the perception of people.

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Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay addresses the task by discussing both perspectives on the responsibility for pollution caused by transportation. However, the argumentation is somewhat unclear and lacks depth in analysis. The essay would benefit from more structured and coherent ideas, as well as improved grammatical accuracy. Vocabulary usage is adequate but could be more varied and precise.

The essay presents a position and addresses both views regarding the responsibility for pollution. However, the argument is not fully developed, and the reasoning lacks clarity and depth. More specific examples or evidence could strengthen the argument. The conclusion provides a clear opinion but does not effectively summarize the main points discussed.

The essay is organized into paragraphs, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs are occasionally unclear. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, affecting the overall flow. A clearer structure with better linking words and phrases could enhance coherence and cohesion.

The vocabulary used is appropriate but somewhat limited. There are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect word choice. More precise and varied vocabulary could improve the quality of the essay and better convey the intended meaning.

The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with verb forms, sentence structure, and word order. These errors affect readability and clarity. A wider range of grammatical structures and more accurate usage would improve the essay's quality.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Introduction

The introduction attempts to present the topic and the writer's position. However, it contains awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The thesis statement is somewhat unclear and could be more explicitly stated.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, people who believe that the government has responsibility for pollution might point out the effects of the authority in protecting the ecosystem. Firstly, politicians have power to enforce the laws of preserving the environment. It means that they can impose taxes on unsustainable products and fine citizens implementing activities affecting badly to the ecosystem. The regulations make residents have to obey because they can be jailed or punished if they object to laws. Secondly, they can attract international investment through some green environmental programs. It leads to the higher amount of money to organize some environmental preserving activities such as building public transports and widening the road to limit the high density of vehicles on the roads, especially at peak time and reduce the pollution led from the transportation of products and individuals.

This paragraph attempts to explain why the government should be responsible for pollution. The ideas are relevant but could be more clearly articulated. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, and the logic of the argument could be more explicit. Specific examples would enhance the argument.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, individuals are seemed to have fault in environmental problems. Their use of vehicles of them and the demands of products cause the high density of transports and the high amount of emissions. All of the smoke and waste from vehicles which are emitted impact to the ecosystem in a negative way. Therefore, they are in charge of environmental contamination by solving it through protecting environment activities ranging from collective ecosystem-conserving actions and using more public transports to restrict the emissions. The root cause is the lack of people’ awareness, so environmental pollution can be altered if they are more have some actions for preserving the ecosystem.

This paragraph discusses the responsibility of individuals for pollution. While the ideas are relevant, the argument is not clearly developed. The phrasing is awkward, and the paragraph contains grammatical errors. A clearer structure and more detailed analysis would strengthen this section.

Conclusion

In conclusion, individuals have more responsibilities for environmental conservation because their high demands of utilizing products and vehicles although the government have power and rights to reduce it. The authority’s responsibilities can affect a little bit, the pollution depends much on the perception of people.

The conclusion restates the writer's opinion but does not effectively summarize the main points or provide a strong closing argument. It contains grammatical errors and could be more clearly articulated.

Evaluation for Question #8778

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Evaluation for Question #8778

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN