Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6.0
Overall Band
6.0
Task Response
6.0
Coherence
6.0
Lexical
5.0
Grammar
The essay addresses the task but falls short in providing a balanced and detailed discussion of both views. The arguments presented are somewhat repetitive and lack depth. There are issues with coherence, cohesion, and grammar that impede the clarity of the argument.
The essay discusses both views but lacks a clear and balanced argument. The opinion is not explicitly stated, and the conclusion fails to adequately summarize or weigh both sides of the argument. The essay could benefit from more detailed and specific examples.
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs could be improved. Transition phrases are used, but they do not always effectively link ideas.
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, but there are frequent misspellings and some inaccurate word choices. More precise and varied vocabulary would enhance the response.
There are frequent grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, word forms, and sentence structure, which detract from the overall clarity of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Nowadays, there is numerous data analyzing that transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people criticize that it is the government's responsibility to control this trend, others say it is the fault of their own people. This essay will discuss both my points of view before reaching a conclusion.
The introduction provides a general overview but lacks a clear thesis statement. The phrase 'both my points of view' is confusing and does not effectively introduce the discussion of both perspectives.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, air pollution from transportation is a result of ineffective government policy. Some governments fail to restrict a large number of vehicles on the road, leading to heavy traffic congestion in large cities. This cause serveral air pollution due to the large amount of toxic gas emmited from these vehicles and directing release to the atmosphere and trapping heat. Furthermore, many countries only focus on economic development by any means necessary and lack of ecouraging sustainable policies for local production. As a consequence, the need for transport in far distace or importing from other countries is a common way.
This paragraph presents the argument that government policies are to blame but lacks depth and specific examples. There are grammatical errors and some repetition in the ideas presented.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, individuals in society have a repsonsibilty for pollution from using a great number of transports. Many citizens or even people of developing countries have a least awarness for the drawbacks of using private trasportation such as automobile and motorcycle. This is because they are merely educated about the negative impact of transportation on the environment and few citizens are concerned about it. Furthermore, the development of public transportation is in a poor condition in many countries, people feel discouraged from using public transport. As a result, people will choose their own private transport to instead of using public transport, which is more environmental friendly.
This paragraph addresses the role of individuals but lacks coherence and precision. The argument is repetitive, and the link between individual responsibility and the use of public transport could be developed more clearly.
Conclusion
In conclusion, transportation is the main cause of air pollution around the world and is a result of the lack of effective government policy and the prioritisation of the economy.
The conclusion restates some points but does not effectively summarize or evaluate the discussion. It lacks a clear opinion or recommendation and does not fully address both sides of the argument.
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