Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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7
Overall Band
8
Task Response
7
Coherence
7
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views and providing a clear opinion. However, it could improve in areas of coherence and cohesion, as well as grammatical accuracy.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear position on the issue. It discusses both perspectives and provides a reasoned opinion, supported by relevant examples. The response could be enhanced by providing more detailed examples and explanations for each point made.
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. The use of linking words is appropriate, but some paragraphs could benefit from more explicit topic sentences to improve coherence. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be linked more clearly to the introduction and body paragraphs.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some instances of less common lexical items. However, there are a few awkward phrasing and word choices that could be improved. Overall, the vocabulary is used effectively to convey the message.
The essay contains some grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and sentence structures. While these do not impede understanding, they do detract from the overall quality of the writing. A greater variety of complex sentence structures could be used to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical range.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Many recent studies have demonstrated that the major reason for pollution is transportation of commodities and people. Some individuals say that the states should be responsible for this problem, while others argue that it is the obligation of all residents. In my opinion, I believe that both governments and citizens should cooperate to address the pollution from transportation, leading to the best results.
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and the two viewpoints. It provides a clear thesis statement, indicating the writer's opinion. However, it could be improved by providing a brief outline of the main points to be discussed in the essay.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several reasons why the authorities should be those who solve the pollution caused by transportation. First, the government has a strong influence on people's activities. As a result, they should organize some environmental campaigns to raise people's awareness of the negative effects on the ecosystem caused by their daily activities, making them reduce their habits that produce trash. Moreover, they have the ability to impose taxes and implement laws on transport activities in order to reduce the gas emissions from those vehicles. For example, the states can encourage companies to use renewable resources instead of fossil fuels in their transport chain, which is more environmentally-friendly and causes fewer pollutants.
This paragraph presents the argument for government responsibility effectively, with relevant examples. However, it could be improved by providing more detailed explanations and linking the points more explicitly to the main argument.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, individuals should change their traveling habits to diminish the amount of CO2 released from transportation. In fact, many reports have illustrated that the large number of private means of transport seems to be the main source of pollution. As a consequence, people should switch to public transportation to decrease the number of vehicles on the road, which significantly contributes to less pollution from transport. Additionally, public support plays an important role in the effectiveness of governments’ policies. If individuals do not join hands, states’ actions will be infeasible to deal with these environmental problems, which are most associated with personal travel habits.
This paragraph effectively discusses the role of individuals in addressing transportation pollution. The points are relevant and supported by examples. However, the paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more explicit links between ideas.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that the collective efforts among residents and states would be the best way to ease the pollution related to transportation as the government can increase people’s knowledge of the environment or tax transportation, while each citizen can limit the use of personal transportation and advocate political environmental laws.
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the thesis. It could be improved by more explicitly linking back to the introduction and providing a stronger final statement to reinforce the writer's opinion.
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