Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay provides a clear discussion of both views related to the causes of pollution from transportation. However, it lacks depth in analyzing how both governments and individuals contribute to pollution. The writer's opinion is stated but could be more thoroughly integrated throughout the essay. The organization is logical, but there are some coherence issues. Vocabulary and grammar are generally appropriate, though there are noticeable errors.
The essay addresses the task by discussing both perspectives on the source of pollution from transportation. However, the analysis of how governments and individuals contribute to pollution lacks depth and specific examples. The opinion is presented but could be better integrated throughout the essay. Some arguments are not fully developed.
The essay is logically organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are occasional issues with coherence, such as abrupt transitions between ideas. Cohesive devices are used but could be more varied to improve the flow of ideas.
The vocabulary is generally appropriate and relevant to the topic. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and word choice. The range of vocabulary could be expanded to better convey the arguments and ideas.
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are noticeable errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and agreement. These errors occasionally hinder clarity and comprehension.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
The transportation of products and people has been shown to be the major source of pollution. While some people believe the authorities should be responsible for this issue, many other argue that this problem is attributed to individuals. From my perspective, I firmly believe that this issue is contributed by both governments and citizens, which I will further elaborate in this essay.
The introduction provides a clear outline of the essay's focus and states the writer's opinion. However, the thesis statement could be more specific in outlining the main points that will be discussed.
Body paragraph 1
First, it is obvious that the government is the leader of a country, and therefore, every socio-economic activities are controlled by these law makers, including transportation of goods and citizens. In order for a country to develop, it is crucial for authorities to promote consumerism and market shares. As a result, products from many factories and corporations are delivered to numerous retailers, thus requiring the use of different vehicles, such as trains, cars and planes, thereby creating a significant amount of pollution into the atmosphere. Furthermore, as the government also focus on developing infrastructure, they are more likely to erect houses and buildings. The material needed for this activity are mainly produced in factories, and the more materials are made, the more CO2 emissions are exhausted into the air. As a result, our ecosystem is negatively affected.
This paragraph provides a clear argument about the government's role in pollution. However, it could benefit from more specific examples and a deeper analysis of how government policies directly contribute to pollution. Some sentences are lengthy and could be broken up for clarity.
Body paragraph 2
However, I believe that this problem is also largely attributed to individuals. First, nowadays, people tend to inclined towards using their private vehicles rather than choosing public transportation. Due to this preference, a drastic amount of emissions were exhausted into the atmosphere, creating severe air pollution. Moreover, consumers’ market behavior also contribute largely to this environmental issue. For instance, many people are interested in fast fashion, and would buy numerous fashion items, just to wear them only once, then discharge them into the nature. This toxic trend has detrimentally affected the environment, causing soil pollution and many other related issues.
The paragraph effectively discusses the impact of individual actions on pollution. However, it could be improved by providing more evidence or examples to support claims, particularly regarding the impact of personal vehicle use and consumer behavior. The argument about fast fashion is relevant but could be more tightly connected to transportation pollution.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that both governments and individuals are the culprits behind environmental pollution, as they all contribute to this problem in different ways, including mass-production and toxic market behaviors.
The conclusion summarizes the main points well but could restate the opinion more strongly. It would benefit from a final thought or suggestion for addressing the problem.
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