Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
7
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, it lacks depth in argumentation and specific examples. The structure is clear, but coherence could be improved with better linking devices. Vocabulary is adequate but not particularly varied, and there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity.
The essay discusses both perspectives and provides an opinion, which is relevant to the task. However, the arguments presented are somewhat superficial and could benefit from more detailed examples and evidence. The opinion is clear but not strongly justified.
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, logical progression and cohesion between ideas could be improved with more effective use of linking words and phrases.
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there is limited variety. Some phrases are repeated, and there is room for more advanced expressions and collocations to make the essay more compelling.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, particularly in sentence structure and article usage, which occasionally hinder clarity. The range of grammatical structures is somewhat limited.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
It is believed that the causes of pollution come from the transport activities of goods and citizens. Although the authority has some responsibilities to control this issue, the citizens also contribute to these causes due to some specific reasons. In my perspective, I believe that both sides have their own responsibility for this problem.
The introduction clearly states the topic and presents the writer's opinion. However, it could be more engaging and precise in outlining the main points that will be discussed.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the authority has the highest power to handle and monitor environmental pollution. This is due to the fact that some energy policies have been released by the authorities for industrialization. China, an Asian country, is the suitable example of having some laws to encourage industrialization without caring about the environment. In addition, the authority has the power to control the country's transportation system and the use of personal vehicles to reduce the CO2 in the atmosphere. For instance, some electronic vehicle programs cannot be done easily and taken into action without the agreement of the authority.
This paragraph provides some relevant points about the government's role. However, it lacks depth and specific examples. The mention of China is vague and could be expanded with more concrete details.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, citizens are also responsible for the causes of pollution due to several reasons. To begin with, individuals are those who directly harm the environment by daily activities including delivery, the consumption of petrol and the use of private vehicles. Therefore, it can be denied that the root cause of this issue seems to belong to each person, which means that citizens have a crucial responsibility to the pollution. Secondly, the transportation of goods are the result of industrialization, which is contributed by the activities of individuals. Therefore, people still have influences on the environment by their participation of private cars and other delivery activities.
This paragraph attempts to argue the individual's responsibility but repeats ideas instead of developing them. The argument could be strengthened with specific examples of how individuals contribute to pollution.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it can be seen as both the authority and citizens are in charge of pollution due to the power of authority and the direct influence of people.
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points but does not provide a strong final statement or recommendation. It could benefit from a more impactful closing sentence.
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